Carmina

I thought you should have posted even before she left, but whatever. For this poem, I like the second to the last line of each stanza as a quote. That ...

Okay, I haven't read anything here since the first chapter (or was it the prologue?). So, this kinda came out of left field for me and is lacking in context. ...

As this is a continuation of hte first piece, all the good things I said before still apply. I liked how quickly you intorduced and established Gus as a character. ...

Cool story. Suspenseful. I like that the character isn't running the whole time. That would be boring. He keeps stopping. Finding temporary safe places of tripping and falling. Nit-picks: You ...

Fine, I won't point out what you told me not to point out. On the whole, another good poem. It is very visual. It conjures a tragic/comic image of someone ...

I agree with Firestarter about the last stanza only I don't think it needs to be completely removed. Just take out hte "thank you" part. You don't have to end ...

Yay! I had to read it twice to get what you meant about the spacing. But then, I'm stupid so... Anyway, I found nothing to nit-pick. Nothing to tear apart. ...

I think it belongs in the romance section. Although, this is a prologue and as I have read the rest, it might go in a different direction. To accurately reflect ...

I like the word play. I like that you invent new compund words. I like the play on words with, "I wrap up in your down". Up and down is ...

Incandescence doesn't like any poem that has the word "you." It doesn't bother me. I kinda like the alternating stanzas. I am not sure if it is deliberate or not. ...

Nice little story. I like the twist. Some cleaning up to do though. This paragraph, "He skimmed through the files a while longer; born August of '87 to an upper ...

As this is a work in progress, I hope you won't think me too cruel. This reads like notes for something you want to write, not something to in any ...

I think this poem has potential. I would like to see it broken up into stanzas. I think it would help separate your ideas better. Although running it together like ...

I like the structure. You have some great imagery. Such a sad tone. Question: What is a "should-high hello"? The last full stanza is a nice ending to the poem, ...

Only nit-pick I have is that you say "And arms, to grasp at anything- " before you say, "I plucked out hands to create the New". I thought the hands ...