Published November 15, 2005
I really don’t know what I was thinking being out that late, especially walking through the woods, the heart of the woods, where the trees are so thick that you can barely see the sky.
I had two problems: First, I was lost. Second, monsters were on the prowl. I knew I was in trouble so I was trying to walk as quietly as possible.
I walked with as much stealth as I could. I was scared, constantly looking over my shoulder. I almost wet myself when I stepped on a pine cone. I almost wet myself again when I realized that something had heard me.
I held my lantern up, but the candlelight revealed little. I decided that the best thing to do was blow out the candle and hope enough moonlight would shine onto my path. I blew out the candle…. I could barely see anything. It didn’t matter much now. I could hear whatever it was tromping around me. I held still for a few minutes. I could hear the thing hunting me, sneaking closer and closer. My eyes had somewhat adapted to the darkness. I was able to make out a few trees. Then I saw the monster that was stalking me. It was eight feet tall. It took long strides and swung its arms wildly. I saw two large fangs that stuck up from the lower jaw of its flat face.
I didn’t get a good look at it, but by now, I knew what it was. I had the honor of being the midnight snack of a Rylock. I started to think that blowing out the candle was a good idea, because my eyes had now adapted. I still couldn’t see everything, but now that the candle was gone, the Rylock didn’t have a beacon on which to zero in. Its easy meal (which most people lost in the woods become) just became slightly harder to catch.
I started to formulate a plan. I heard the monster. Its pace grew faster. I could hear it grunting and growling. I put my back to the creature and wound up facing east. I counted in my head… one… two… three! I ran for my life. I guess that it was luck that there was only one Rylock hunting me. I had been told that they usually hunt in packs two or three. For some reason, this one was by itself. I didn’t care why and I didn’t have time to think about it. I ran just in time too, because I heard the thing howl and charge after me.
As I ran, I just barely saw a low tree branch that was leaning over and ducked just in time to only scrape my forehead and briefly stumble to the ground. I didn’t stop for an instant. My arms and legs must have been moving so fast that you could barely see them. I’m not sure what happened next, but I thought I heard the Rylock smack into the same tree I did.
That is when I wondered if the thing was lost too. Maybe it couldn’t see very well and the only reason it could find me in the first place was that I had a candle lit.
I ran at a full sprint for what felt like forever. It was probably only a few minutes until I tripped over a tree root. I scraped up my hands, but I was otherwise o.k. I just lay on the ground, panting. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down and listen. I could hear the sounds of the evening. I was listening for the sounds of the charging beast, but to my relief, all I could hear was the chirping of crickets.
I dusted the pine needles of my face and hands, and got up as quietly as I could. I looked around, and listened carefully for any sign of the pursuing monster. Then something fell upon my shoulder causing me to jump back and scream like a girl. I tried to run but tripped over my own feet… How ironic. My heart raced and I knew I would see the end soon. I turned over and awaited the merciless teeth of a ravenous monster. To my surprise and immense relief, a man, not a monster stood over me.
To be continued...
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I really liked this. For some reason I love stories placed in dark mysterious places and I love suspense. (Which is exactly why I'm such a huge m.night shamalyn fan) I don't have any grammatical corrections cause it looks like carmina got them all but, I do have a question: Is the Rylock a creature of your own creation? Cause I've never heard of it.
I can't stay mad at you. Because your my friend and only trying to help.
Cool story. Suspenseful. I like that the character isn't running the whole time. That would be boring. He keeps stopping. Finding temporary safe places of tripping and falling.
Don't capitalize "First" or don't have the colin. You can't do both.Nit-picks: You begin almost every sentence with "I" (36 sentences). I recommend mixing it up a bit. On the whole, your grammar is pretty good. However:
, , : avoid chiches like the plague. Feshen up your writing a bit by avoiding cliches and tired, used expressions.
If it a lantern lit by a candle, all this moving around would probably blow it out before he blows it out himself. It if were lit by oil, it would have a more resiliant flame.
Okay, done nit-picking. Since this is a part of a whole nad not a story in and of itself, I look forward to more hcaracter developement and details of time and place in future editions. It is a good start. Don't feel bad about the little nit-picks I pointed out. They really aren't that bad.
Whoa, very nice. If you made a book I would defiantly read it. I love your work! OK, I'm done now. I had a moment.
Ohhh...I want MORE! Quite suspensful Halloween! I could picture the chase of the charactor quite well and see the Rylock hunting...
I would love to learn more about this Rylock. What is it? Why does it crave humans to eat? Why do they usually hunt in packs?
About the charactor - why was he/she alone at night if they new these monsters could attack? What about the chars' family?
I enjoyed this very much. So few short stories actually hold my interest from beginning to end. Brilliant job!
PM me when you write part II
fishr
I loved it i crave more. Keep writing and i'll keep reading.