Cameron

I enjoyed this. A few suggestions: long, long, longer than days I'm not sure whether I like this or not. Personally I found it sounded awkward in my mouth, and ...

Firstly, I was instantly turned off by the disorderly set-up of this poem, but for the sake of it potentially containing some worthwhile content, I pushed past my poor first ...

You have to be careful that when you use poetry to tell a story, or rather illustrate a series of events, that it doesn't become too much of a list. ...

I think your choice of language could have been better; more suited towards you topic. For instance, instead of stand, stoop. You get the idea? Also, since a haiku is ...

I really enjoyed this overall. The style you've chosen is no doubt reliant upon a reader's personal preference, but I think that this would be better if you lost portions ...

I quite enjoyed this. I think if you were to clean it up a bit, both gramatically and structurally, the impact would be all the more profound. Some in-line suggestions: ...

I agree with Skriek with regards to this: begging for child support of some love, whatever I could spare: five minutes, I said. Perhaps "begging for child support in place ...

our calculations blackening in her eyes. She was a mess of chance, and we tried to collect the probability of her landing in our laps or sticking by our side. ...

In this chapter, the monster seems strangely reminiscent of Pennywise the clown in IT, by Stephen King. "Jon felt the skin of his cheek parting beneath the blade like a ...

I’m no Superman And I don’t have wings. Neither does Superman. Try balancing your ryhmes out more, and remember that the words themselves always, repeat always, take precedence over ryhming. ...

While writing down whatever pops into your mind may be liberating and therapeutic, it has to be done effectively to be considered poetry. As this stands now, it isn't much ...

The first-person style you've incorporated makes the poem seem slightly sophomoric. I found that it fluctuated too much between insightful contemplations and "I thinks". This not only demotes from the

My father steps into the room sideways as if we are passing each other in a tight space. Maybe, "My father steps sideways into the room", otherwise you should place ...

A nice change. Some suggestions: Allow yourself perchance to dream for seam upon seam of this world is unravelling to all of our happenstance themes. Call me a Jesus, who ...

Some in-line suggestions: God talked to me today, I could tell he wasn't pleased. He told me I should just stop it all, Before I get diseased. He said I ...