Cade

I see what you're saying with the metaphor troubles. I agree with Razorblade; it's as though you've shoved the metaphor in the reader's face. And the line "You kill the ...

I like it, Brad. Good job expressing a lot in such a short space. Diction. the last such delicate world to be controlled by my fingers. Here, I would ditch ...

This definitely interests me, and I'd like to know more about your protagonist, Naomi. Good prologue--and I like the picture you included! Characters. Maybe you ought to get out in ...

SIG FIGS! Ah, chemistry, physics, and/or math... Meaning. I really like what you're saying here, the part about counting the zeroes and all, setting apart the soft and hard sciences. ...

Agreed. The story was so abrupt, it was like a newspaper article, not a real story. Spend some more time with it. Develop it. Don't just spit out the facts. ...

I adored Redwall when I was nine or so...I kind of stopped reading the books after about age eleven. I, too, felt that they all sort of followed the same ...

Like the others, I'm a fan. Alliteration and sound. Almost everyone else has mentioned this, but "dirt-dirty" and "not a nothing" are pretty sweet--. I had expected more to come ...

(The great Brad does it again.) I think a lot of our less talented poets (well, that's about 99.9999% of YWS) could learn a lot from what you've done here. ...

I agree with what some others have said about parts of this being a little tired, a little cliche. But I think what you have at the core is good. ...

I was so ready to critique this until I scrolled down and discovered that Fand said everything I wanted to say. Read over her advice on originality. This poem could ...

What I'm guessing on the "end of the world" point at the end is that you're trying to express that killing is evil, that war and violence will be the ...

I really like it. Simple, but thoughtful. I hear he is from Liberia--it is in Africa, I think. This part came off awkwardly. You might rephrase: "I think it's in ...

*agrees like crazy with Fand* So many such a small space...it's drowning in its own, well, diction. I dislike drowning. Also, any particular reason it's one long, drawn-out sentence? I ...

Haha, the famous and ever-popular "I am from" poem. I think these kinds of typical-English-assignment poems can only go so far, but you've put in some great images and feelings ...

I share the others' concerns. What really stood out about this poem was the strong rhythm and rhyme. I could almost see it as a song or performance poem. Unfortunately, ...