Cade

It's fascinating to write a piece centered around dialogue, as you've done here. With a piece about a phone call, what else could you do? Dialogue. It should be realistic, ...

Well, it's cute, as CK Lynn so elegantly stated. It is childish, and that sort of sets me off. As Suzanne said, it's very simple; it doesn't really go past ...

Hmm...I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of a half-script, half prose piece with eight lines is. Plot. I don't really...understand what's going on? I sense the tension between stepfather ...

I agree, it does seem sort of stiff. Harry seems so distant and out of character; everything moves along so quickly, too. It isn't like JKR's writing at all; though ...

Hey, Insomniac. I'm not going to reiterate everything Suzanne just said, but I would if I was really bored, because her advice is excellent. Your biggest problem is that the ...

I agree with Suzanne. This poem doesn't really offer much; it's just a few simple sentences. With line breaks. And you will soon learn that poetry is not made by ...

*headdesk* Cute sentiment, but not best expressed here. To me this seems much more like a middle school student ranting about math--believe me, I know the feeeling. But it was ...

*sings* This is a song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends! Um. Anyway. To be quite honest, this poem does not speak to me. It seems ...

:shock: Quite a critique for such a short poem there, Suz. She's probably covered most of what I would have, but I'll spit out a few things here... I do ...

MadHatter, please refrain from expressing your social and political opinions when commenting on a piece in the literary forums. :wink: Not realistic at all (not the gay part, the actually ...

Cliche. This poem's main problem is that it lacks originality. If your goal is to write a bad pop song, then congratulations. But if your goal was to write poetry ...

*dies laughing* Oh, Nate, I have nothing but praise. Actually, I have one suggestion. Put the prefix "Poke-" in front of more words. :) Oh, and maybe you should address ...

Oh, I agree with Clau. This made me laugh; I'm anti-chatspeak or whatever-speak-that-is-not-real-English-speak, and I love how you incorporated that into a satirical piece. It was also effective to ha

I really enjoyed reading this; it's a great metaphor and you expressed it nicely. I just see two problems with it; it's taken too far, and I don't think you ...

I really your basic idea here and the way you've presented numbers...especially 1.618, because isn't that the number that is the ratio of all these things in nature to all ...