WASHINGTON D.C. — After decades of incredible instability and unhappiness, George W. Bush finally came out of the closet and declared his true sexuality in a press conference Tuesday morning.
“I really am sorry Laura, but it’s the truth,” he announced in front of a thrilled yet shocked audience of at least one thousand spectators, reporters, and illegal immigrants. “I never told anyone, but my job is to tell ya’ll the truth, and here I am doing it.”
Bush, our current president, has been essentially known for his lust for oil and conservative stands, so it came as a real shocker to everyone currently living in the United States, from regular, day-to-day, hardworking citizens, to those nasty illegal immigrants, when Bush finally flooded us with his furtive thoughts.
When pestered by countless reporters, Laura Bush’s attorney, while on his way to work, announced, “My client is not at all sad. In fact she is very glad to be finally free of him. And any way, it’s none of your beeswax!”
This incident, or long-held secret, will cast a dark cloud over the President forevermore. The first president ever to choose banging Brad Pitt over Angelina Jolie, Bush does not feel privileged to be gay. In fact, he is quite frightened of what Dick Cheney will tell him when he returns to work on November 16th, the last scheduled day of his Washington D.C. vacation. However, he will pay one thousand Mexican pesos for any man, except illegal aliens, who would agree to visit him at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Friday at 9:00 p.m.
In his shocking announcement, Bush said that he has had over thirty-two sexual encounters with other men and boys over the span of his lifetime.
“It was normal in Texas,” he said. “I always saw two men holding hands when I walked to school. Not that big of a deal.” When asked to describe how those sexual activities felt, the President smiled. “Like a nucular explosion!”
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139,362 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hey everyone!
I just had a fun time poking the idiot, but if you like him no big deal 
Thanks for all the critiques...
Sorry if this offended any of ya; it is comedy, but I suspect none of you laughed out loud
This IS NOT against gays! Actually, this was to show that even the most Republican monkey can be homosexual. :/
MadHatter, I'd have to disagree too. I mean--a person was born and raised in a certain environment, and in the end turned out he is gay. He can do nothing about it. It's bad to hate "gays" just because they're different!
I really wanted to work on this more, but I haven't got the time... I mean, even as we're speaking I still have two more homework assignments to do, and I don't have ANY time this weekend. (God, I feel so lightheaded now...argh!)
This is rated R because of the following lines:
I am thinking about changing it to PG-13 though... I mean, homosexuality does NOT bother me AT ALL.
winters-- haha! Hilarious. I seriously should write "gahy" for him to say, at least once... I can imagine him tripping over his words...
About the Texas thing:
I've never been to Texas, but I didn't want to make fun of it. I can't make fun of a particular place--I love travel--I just made a joke about gays in Texas because Texas is ultra-conservative and there are no gays from there (almost.) So, sorry if that offended you.
Phindin:
I agree. Bush=ew, but I sort of used all Bush-cliches... so sorry about that. It was just...just a fun piece, I think!
Wesley:
It's good that you express your views on this, but.... well, it's not. Pieces are for you to critique literary, not politically. This is MY view, and if you disagree with it, go to the debate forum. Sorry that I offended you though! (And Bill was much better than Bush, if we already started on that...Bill was amazing, almost. And who cares about other women, he had fun. Haha.) (Plus after all that Bush did? He is not a regular human. He should be tried for genocide. His saying is "Blood for Oil, Blood for Oil".)
Thank you very much again everyone! Hope I made you smile, sorry I made you frown.
Err... I just realized, why is this rated R? PG-13 I'd understand. (though frankly I'm hoping for an eventual world where gay relationships are treated in the exact same way "inappropiate" wise as straight marriages...)
Mean! .................................................
I didn't enjoy this at all. It is quite course, unrealistic, and just wrong. It is sad really we elected him why do we have beat him up about it. I do not agree with the whole bush bashing thing people make him out to be wrong when he wasn't much better than Bill who did much worse then him and had an affair with his wife who is now the looney running for president. He is human gosh give him a break.
AND DON'T YOU EVER MESS WITH THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS!!!!! NOBODY MESSES WITH THE LONE STAR NOBODY!!!
Anyway I would like to say "Good Job!" but I simpply can't.
Soo...
Wesley's Score: -1.6 sorry champ
Eh.
It's difficult to get a laugh from me, and this didn't do it. And it would be a euphemy for me to say that Bush isn't my favorite president to grace our fine country.
Seems like you've just played on all the standard Bush quips that got old years ago. Bush is still good for some laughs (hence the continued success of the Daily Show, Colbert Report, etc.) but not when the same things regurgitated over and over again.
So. Pretty average, IMHO.
Haha! That was sooooooooooo funny!!!!!!!!!!
Umm... That last line that is happens in Texas is way off. Sorry, but gays hide or run from there. Its not the most friendly state to gay rights.
On the other hand it was funny!!!!
Oh, how funny! He's gay!
And why is this Rated R? Because there's gayness involved? Oh, lord.
This can't be Bush. He pronounced "gay" correctly.
XD Hahaha! This is hilarious! If only it were true...
Anyway, everything I noticed was already pointed out in the other reviews, so I have nothing to offer but praise. Except, maybe it should be a bit longer? I would have liked a longer piece.
:sigh: Two people love each other. Good, right? Yeah, good. Okay, I'm done with this subject.
MadHatter, please refrain from expressing your social and political opinions when commenting on a piece in the literary forums.
This kind of confused me. Why would he see two men holding hands? Is this just a normal thing in Texas or is he talking about a certain pair of people?Not realistic at all (not the gay part, the actually coming out part, haha), but I love it, gadi!
*sigh* Gay, but he still hates illegal immigrants? Pity.
Very, very nice. ("anyway" is one word, to be nitpicky for a moment)
Anyway, I really like how you wrote it like a news article. Maybe you should include something about the nation's reaction; who's pushing for impeachment? Are gay and lesbian groups embracing him? How does this affect the war in Iraq?
Thanks for the laugh.
-Colleen
Well, I don't like gay people so that's what would be wrong with having a gay president. I also find that being gay is wrong and should be banned.
What difference would it make to have a gay president?
Having said that, this is amusing - it's just so... not Bush, and yet so is! XD
Ooh, Bush is bad enough straight.
I had to snicker at this line:
Yeah, right.
Hah! Brilliant!
Of course I wrote this! SO PROUD!
Did you write this, gadi? Or get it online?
um....this is fiction right. If it isn't....that's scary. I mean, I knew ole' George was weird, but gay...I really highly doubt it. I hope this is fiction because I don't know what I'd do if we had a gay president