Brian

Too much passive voice; "had been" is usually quite unnecessary and detracts from the power of the piece. Anyways, the rushing shows. There are words misspelled, and the sentence structure ...

I suppose that everything will be in how it is acted out, but right now, it's a bit odd. Robby gets picked up by some stranger and taken away? And ...

"perhaps a million strangers, all living and breathing. I can't tell them " Take out perhaps. It sounds wishy washy, and it doesn't fit in with the tone. "With death ...

Damn you, Sophie! DAAAAAAAMN YOUUU!!! *ahem* Anybody else wants to give it a read? lol There was a disconnect in the story, and after reading it through twice, I still ...

Gotta give replies time. Took over 48 hours for me to get the first review on my most recent story. You can also get people to review me by thanking ...

Reviewing this after I've read the chapter two... I like the dialogue here. It doesn't seem stilted, and you got descriptions and emotions to back it up with. Thought it ...

I liked idea two. One of my favorite books when I was younger was about a kid who lead hundreds of others from Maine to Washington DC so as to ...

Wednesday is spelled wrong in the first line of the second stanza. "And it was actually quite a treat to see them digestive " Do you mean digested? Even so, ...

Maybe it's your icon or something in between the lines (or both), but I got the feeling that this was about a dog. That's the first impression I got, but ...

I thought that this was okay. It was melodramatic, but not terribly so, and it's a bit jumpy in places, such as: I felt like I needed to get to ...

PunCtuATion!!! Can't stress that enough. But seeing as how others have already dealt with that... You need to work on your sentence structure. In the first part, you keep on ...

Your definitely good at descriptions, and I liked the general tone of the story. Some of your grammar could use help though. The first three sentences provide a good example: ...

Liked it. "like the sands of time." This seemed very out of place; you switch from being direct with a little bit of symbolism to an allusion. Plus, that phrase ...

Maybe a bit freaky, but not terrible. And because I'm nitpicky... "He was shaking mightilly his eyes were wide with terror, and he looked ready to run. After all, sometimes ...

I liked the part about the Keep's history. It was kind of oddly put in, but it supplies some background that is much needed for the benefit of the reader. ...