BFG

Aside from being chock full of cliches and grammatical errors, I still didn't like this poem. Most of it didn't make sense - for instance: The sun goes down upon ...

The message is, of course, undeniably great, and I commend you on both your political views and your interest in the world... you and those like you bring hope to ...

Good, as always. I loved the imagery, particularly at the beginning. The only parts I really didn't like were the bits where it talked about a 'we'; I had a ...

I also like the repetition of the first lines in the last, and thought those repeated lines were the strongest of the poem. The middle bit, though, was full of... ...

There's nothing here, nothing concrete to connect to. You need a base, a metaphor if you want to go into the metaphysical, some imagery and description if it's about something ...

You have some great verbs here... "undulating", "taunting", "tempting", "itching", "dripping"... they're great, but it's too many verbs. The metaphor of words to waves is good, but you need to ...

I like the last line, and the idea of expecting surprise. And I love the title. One thing you might want to think about though is incorporating more imagery - ...

Applause for your use of iambic pentameter: it's superb. I especially liked the way you got "fragility" to fit. The vocabulary was excellent also, and I love the line: stained ...

Wow, bubbles just said everything I wanted to say. This is a fine first attempt, and like all first attempts needs revision, but nonetheless is an important step. Keep writing! ...

I agree with cadmium. The silly-sounding words as used here do not create humor, nor would humor fit with the emotion of the poem. "Never ever" does just sound childish, ...

It's good. My suggestion would be to leave the last lines as they are. The "this" has to go there because it rhymes with shameless and nameless. I think those ...

Beautiful, but exceedingly difficult to follow. I love this bit: Wait until the sunrise bleeds across all of your dirty deeds. This light catches the silver eyes unblinking, dripping dew ...

I actually thought the last line was the strongest part, for summing up the feeling i'm sure we've all had before with such brevity, and for taking the images and ...

Nice theme, and you told the story with images. That part's good. What I didn't like was that the rhythm was a bit chunky, the rhymes sometimes forced, and the ...

Yes, very cliched. The whole 'malice' in the eyes thing doesn't really makes sense... it wouldn't be malice coming from a coward. Malice indicates will, albeit will toward evil, but ...