Young Writers Society

Good, as always. I loved the imagery, particularly at the beginning. The only parts I really didn't like were the bits where it talked about a 'we'; I had a clear sense of the narrator, and of the boy, but not together. I guess maybe because the narrator was an observer and so much buried inside his own thoughts and emotions. Perhaps that was what you were getting at. Anyway the lines

I recgonize a little of me has rubbed off on him,

What we have most in common is our enemy, sleep.

I'm guessing this meant something about lost youth? I think the images of bugs and newts and such was overused too much, but then again, it helped keep the poem on an understandable level. You always do manage to surprise me, Incan-just try to make the stanzas clearer by using clearer language (sorry about the redundancy), and you should be good to go!

This poem was too abstract and that made it hard to read, so I think you need to simple it a bit and try to get your point across more clearly, because I am left at a loss of understanding of the meaning in this poem.

You overuse excess imagery, especially in the first stanza, and I don't think it helps the poem at all but just makes it thicker to wade through.