AyumiGosu17

Good morning! It was an interesting read, so thank you for posting it. Here are some things that worked well for me: You're very descriptive, which helps with this kind ...

Thank you for this poem, Luna. You speak a lot of words that a many others also feel. Just a couple things for you - "bored," not "board" (a piece ...

Whoa. Just whoa. I like how you slip in rhyming couplets every so often, to emphasize the critical point behind your poem. You present perfection as it really is - ...

I wouldn't call it "free verse" because it does have a set rhyme scheme to it. I like the use of alliteration and assonance here, because it helps get your ...

Powerful, both in structure and in style. Your meter is solid, your rhyme is solid. I almost want this to become a sonnet. Just two more lines, and...man. My only ...

It's an amusing narrative, for sure. I'm not sure if that's your intention or not; if it is, great! If not... Well, we can talk about that in another post. ...

Good afternoon, Em16. I enjoyed reading your application essay. From what I got out of the prompt and your response, your ideas are well developed and you support your argument ...

Hey there, Ano! Don't mind if I drop some pointers for you: You've got a few parallel issues here, which gets in the way of this "free flow" aesthetic you're ...

This is intriguing. I like the raw language; it really captures that real-life thought process. I'm actually anxious to read the next parts. I did see one mistake, in the ...

This poem is very intense. It kept me on edge as I read through it, and I got the feeling of a nagging hope that dwindles, disappointed, by the last ...

This is a very intriguing essay. It's something that goes along with my thought process, in a way. However, just because this topic sits well with me does not mean ...

It seemed very childish to me, which that may be your point. But I grew bored with it within the first six paragraphs; it strays too much for the topic. ...

An interesting viewpoint on a belly dancer. Being one myself, I never thought of it that way before. Your title certainly snared my attention, as soon as I saw it. ...

Really short for a chapter. Then again, I prefer long ones myself. Just a couple of notes: I glanced up from my staring of the last of the two suns ...

Very intense. It's a vivid poem, written very well, with a concrete structure and purpose and also brilliant imagery. It is really exquisite! It's also an eye-opener to the real ...