In Turmoil

by queenofportalverse

Published October 25, 2020

16+

In Fragments of Thought in this Existence - Poetry

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

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Warning: This poem contains themes that may cause anxiety and features negative body image.

       

I always look forward to weekends

A break from the stresses of school

But what is the point of the weekends

If worry is all that I do?

             

Sometimes I forget what I look like

When I try on the clothes that I’ve bought

And when I go check in the mirror

I always look worse than I thought

              

I aspire to be told I am perfect

From people who don’t even know

How I push myself to keep going

When I don’t even know where to go

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
omer
Review
omer wrote a review Review · Oct 26, 2020

That’s a touching poem. Relatable and moving. Great job. Only one note:

I always look forward to weekends

A break from the stresses of school

But what is the point of the weekends

If worry is all that I do?

“School” and “do” doesn’t really rhyme as in the other stanzas. It’s has a very good meaning that I’d totally keep, but I’d also change one of these sentences so it would fit with the poem.

That’s it, keep up the good work!
Omer.

Thank you for the feedback!

User avatar
AyumiGosu17
Review
AyumiGosu17 wrote a review Review · Oct 26, 2020

Powerful, both in structure and in style. Your meter is solid, your rhyme is solid. I almost want this to become a sonnet. Just two more lines, and...man. My only suggestion for the structure is to maybe change "I am" to "I'm" in order to keep the smooth 9-8-9-8 meter that you've got going in your stanzas.

Great message, and it speaks the truth. So, good job.

Thank you for the feedback!

User avatar
Ave38
Comment
Ave38 commented Comment · Oct 26, 2020

I love this! This... pretty much sums it up. I especially love the last line.



Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
— Winston Churchill