Archstormangel

Too vague, I'm thinking. You didn't really paint a picture. 'A dark vortex of pain' - well, what does pain feel like? Use metaphors to your advantage. It probably needs ...

So did I. Now I'm thinking, is this about incest? It sounds like it, that's the message it's conveying. It's not very clear, it's a bit cliche, and the layout ...

I actually really liked this one. It was funny, and light. Nice writing, good flow, good story-telling. Great job, I'd love to read some more. Almost makes me wish for ...

... Crits? I may be harsh. The way you write doesn't flow. Typos everywhere and it's just not smooth. Your descriptions are pretty point blank. Your grammar is lacking, and ...

Um, it doesn't actually sound like them. Funny, but the way you wrote it, I couldn't even figure out who was who till the end. When I did, they were ...

1. Is it too long for just one chapter/post? No, it's wonderful. 2. Did I introduce the dragon too quickly? Just a little bit. It was a bit too convenient. ...

Very serious. Very well-written. It's wonderful. Yuo have extreme talent, however, I will be nitpicky for a minute... "How's that?" said the child, who looked little more than a toddler. ...

It looks rather exciting. IT may just be my personal taste, but I feel that you might want to give the story a bit more of a personal feel. Yuo ...

I adore it. I dislike the Twilight series and I think it wa absolutely hilarious. I wouldn't call it a satire - I'd just call it a big joke. I ...

The story seems choppy. We don't even know Jason yet. He seems exceptionally flat and boring. Also, it looks as though you are trying much to hard to get action ...

Gorgeous. I loved it. Not much to critique, except MAYBe you might want to make the word 'monster' fit in a little better. The rest of the poem is fluid, ...

Jodi Picoult is one of the greatest writers I've ever had the pleasure of reading. ... Ahem. I've read 'The Tenth Circle', 'My Sister's Keeper', 'Second Glances', 'Nineteen Minutes', and ...

You sort of messed it up a little in that last sentence, with the caps, I dunno, it just bothers me. But it seems nice. OK. I rather liked it. ...

It's quite pleasant, but yes, at times it seems rather boring. Your character seems rather typical, but there's not yet enough information on her to really see much, yet. And ...