AndNeverAgainx3

haha, i love it! no crits; i didn't see any grammatical errors. but it's really great way to start a story. how does the title play into the story?

yes, i do really like it =]] noice beginning!!

the tenses are a bit mixed up i like your style but maybe you should establish a bit more of a storyline. keep writing!

i read it. i loved it. it's my kind of story! you SHOULD space between paragraphs, but it's not THAT hard to read.

bayside...i'm pretty sure that's the name of a band... something with bay in it. ANYhoo, oo intriguing. NOT exactly boy meet girl like i thought, more so druggie-meets-and-corrupts-girl. very unique. ...

me gusta mucho. =]] i like boy meets girl stories. or whatever you wanna call em.

-the trauntler wouldn't scuttle-- it would fly. -have coal explain what a phantom is. it's confusing. i'm not telling you to change this part but i'm just saying: HA. adults ...

ohhh okay. i didn't remember the end of the chapter...

i love it. tell her that XD

i like your detai. intriguing beginning! corrections: -you have a sentence describing rain clouds, and then you say that the clouds promise rain. don't say rain the first time you ...

oh, that's just a random chapter wayyyy in the future that i was pissed off with and i wanted to see what other people thought of it =]]

that was really good! i liked it! was there any metaphorical meaning?

i love it! the detail is amazing, as are the transitions. you introduce the scenery AND the main character AND her life problems [or maybe just some] all in a ...

kind of depressing, and it could use more detail, but i like how it ends. =] keep writing!