Anamel

"Blair casually walks the halls of Forester High as she goes back to her locker from her bathroom break." The first sentence to your story does great on giving the ...

The title is what drew me to this poem(probably because I love raspberries). Plus they have a really bright color and are juicy, although sometimes bitter. The comparison itself light ...

In your introduction, you're doing more telling than showing. You're not including the actual emotion the character is feeling, just narrating what's going on. "He could see Jimin missed him ...

Already you have a general framework of your plot and the steps that are going to happen. The issue with it is that it's so short and non-descriptive that it ...

The introduction to your story is interesting, especially comparing the "smell" of fear to the way blood tastes, since fear doesn't have a smell. The reader can see that Panic ...

"Everyone makes their way to the cars, Uncle Williams locking the door behind us. " This sentence is a bit confusing, what door is he locking behind them as everyone ...

I like that you automatically introduce the chapter with dialogue so that the reader becomes intrigued. Even with just the first sentence, we can assume that something's happening that the ...

Before I get into the main part of the review, I noticed the structure of your story first. The big blocky paragraphs may repel readers from wanting to read your ...

I wondered since Cupid's mother could bring love to anyone she wishes that she forced her son to do it for her instead. I guess it's a "do my dirty ...

The first and main thing I'd like to focus on with your story is the structure. You do provide some information about Brandon and Gavin which is great, although usually ...

"The room was dark as it always was." This is just a suggestion that doesn't need to be implemented, though you could also say 'the room was dark as always' ...

I really loved the last section. It seems somewhat philosophical but it's not that overly intellectual pushy type, rather just something you can take in and accept or chose not ...

At first, I thought the girl in this story was actually a siren, but at the end I figured that was just more of a metaphor. I thought it was ...

"Percy exits the mall from the left wing, outside things is breezy and water is drizzling down." The first sentence seems kind of choppy, I think mainly because they're two ...

The way you worded this account was so sickening, not in a brutal or outright way, but the way he speaks like a literal piece of slime. The way you ...