Young Writers Society

Hi there! Jumping in for a review.

I wanted to start off by saying that, though this is a very interesting piece to read, I was left fairly confused by the end. The actual length wasn't necessarily the issue; there was a lack of context and detail that made it difficult to discern exactly what was going on and, from a reader's perspective, this can make it frustrating to make it through the entire piece, even if the plotline or main message itself is fascinating.

To start, there are a few places in which grammar mistakes get in the way of the reader's ability to understand what's going on. You have some sentences that don't end in punctuation and therefore create confusion in terms of where one thought ends and another one starts. Similarly, you have a couple of spots where random letters are capitalized or a particular comma/period is missing, so I would definitely consider going back and reviewing this piece to check for spelling and grammar mistakes.

In terms of clarity, as I mentioned above, it would be helpful if we got a little more detail regarding what's actually happening; "Now that bitch has me in all this mess" is one example of a line that's very intense, but its power is dampened because there's too much going on to really clearly understand what's going on. You do a good job of describing this other person (at least, I'm assuming it's another person rather than the speaker themselves -- please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong), but the lack of context makes it hard to figure out why exactly the speaker feels and thinks the way they do.

In regards to structure, I would most definitely consider breaking up the paragraph into shorter paragraphs. As it is right now, the piece is just a large block of text, which makes it hard to read and can actually act as a deterrent to others who come across it.

I hope this review was helpful and please don't take offense -- the storyline itself is captivating and with a few changes, it could be made even stronger!

Write on ♡

Hello! Here to review your work!

I just want to say this story is full of so much. I can't tell who the monster is in this because the man thought what he has done was mutual, however, the woman told a different story. It leaves the reader thinking and leaves me thinking about all the sexual cases that have been released recently. It is a huge problem that needed to be talked about and still does, so it is very brave of you. There are always two sides to a story, and not everyone cares about the man's story. And actually I've never heard the guy's point of view on cases like this. You really showed that side, so great job there. Also, the ending is really impactful!

I have two things that bother me. You forgot spaces in a few places along with periods and commas. My other problem is that it is too compact. I think maybe you should just split it into two paragraphs to make it a tiny bit easier to read. Otherwise, this is perfect.

I will be reading more of your work, great job!

_ From your friend,
@PlainandSimple _

At first, I thought the girl in this story was actually a siren, but at the end I figured that was just more of a metaphor. I thought it was going to be a fantasy story ending up with her pulling him into the ocean and eating him alive or something. I'm surprised at the ending but it's also quite sad. Calling her a siren makes it sounds like she was the one in control and that she had the power above him. Being a siren means she could just lure him in and dispose of him at any time, like him being her dinner. Using this metaphor really shows the twisted and disgusting viewpoint of the man in this story, so I appreciate it. Since it was told by him, the reader can't really distinguish what parts he misunderstood and made up in his mind about their interaction and what was true and what wasn't. I also like what you did there because it leaves the reader questioning.

He also says he said "hi" like the perfect gentleman. Anyone on this earth can say hi and it means absolutely nothing, so I found it funny that saying hi magically makes you a perfect gentleman. It shows his sexist and warped viewpoint. The use of the word conquered really added to making his gross character show. Your story is short but it has all the necessary components which is great. The only problem here besides some grammar issues is the blocky format. It could throw some readers off or confuse them when they're trying to read. I suggest separating up the paragraphs and doing some line breaks. Otherwise, I don't have anything to comment on and the ending was impactful.