I was careful;I couldn’t run too fast nor to slow or it would get me. Quickly I stole a quick glance behind my shoulder where the creature was, it bared it large pearl white canines at me making me yelp in surprise it’s inhumane body shape still following me not that far behind. Many people had heard the myths of the creature but me and my grandmother hadn’t believed in it now here I am. How had we got here me and my grandmother wanted to prove to everyone that it was all a stupid myth that had been made up years ago by the villagers to scare people away from the woods. Now it was after me, it mimicked my movements. I was petrified. I shouldn't have done this. The myths said that nobody but one young girl had ever lived to tell the tale of the monstrous beast that lived in the eerie woods. It was 7pm it was going to be dark soon. I had to keep running, I had to get out of her before it was too dark. It had already devoured my grandma and the last word she uttered circled my mind ‘go’ . What if it got me? I was getting tired. No! I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to die. I’m only 15 I haven't experienced life properly yet but then I saw something A small car park with a very little people in it. I stop and jump in happiness. I made it! I would be the second person who would live to share the story. Then the creature pounced and dug it’s beastly sharp long claws into my back and began to eat my raw flesh The last thing I did was scream a deafening scream, tears streamed down my face. This was it. This was how I died. How could I have been so careless. I see blue and red then everything fades and goes black...
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Sorry guys I’ve updated it because i know it’s bad when I wrote this story it was rushed and quite bad since it was my first story sorry if I have bad grammar I hate typing things up I prefer writing on paper but I thought this was an interesting website I could use to improve my writing skills
Hey there! Che here for a quick review!
I'll start by pointing out any places I think you could do with improving.
I think after 'careful' you should use a semi-colon ;
This sentence needs some punctuation! I have put in bold where I'd add in punctuation. Also, it should be "My grandmother and I had never believed them"
Again, I'd use a semi-colon after "It was after me" and then stop after movements. "I was scared." should really be a separate sentence.
I've included in bold how I think you could have improved this sentence
You started the story in past tense, but then suddenly changed to present! You need to be really careful about this
I hope those helped! I liked the idea behind the story, and how fast paced it was, as it made the reader feel as though they were being chased and eaten too.
Keep writing
Already you have a general framework of your plot and the steps that are going to happen. The issue with it is that it's so short and non-descriptive that it builds up no suspense. The reader doesn't even get a flash description of the character looking back to see what the creature looks like. What time is it, day or night? What was he doing before it found him? Where is he, what's the street look like if it is one? I suggest giving at least a paragraph or multiple about him going about his daily life and explaining beforehand what was happening so that we can at least have some fragment of his personality and his life before this event occurs. We know that his grandma got eaten too, but what else? That way you can build up suspense and have it be scarier.
I also suggest italicizing the main character's thoughts just so that it doesn't get confusing and interrupt the flow of your story. Saying "I was scared" is just showing and not telling. Is his heart beating fast, is he breathing hard and gasping for air? Describe how it feels to be scared.
"I’m only 15 I haven't experienced life properly yet but then I see it. A small car park with a few people in it."
I noticed with some of your sentences that they're fragmented and then you attach a completely different idea to them. I suggest splitting up sentences that aren't talking about the same thing. Example: "I'm only 15, I haven't experienced life properly yet! But then I see it--a small car parked with a few people in it."
Hi lol that was my first story and it was a little bit rushed I read through it and updated I%u2019m sure I could still improve it but I have added a bit of how the creature looked and it%u2019s an improvement from before
Sorry about my bad grammar in that response it was late when I responded and I typed it really quickly