Aley

Sure! I have this thing:

How did you get "it does matter in god's [heart]" from this poem?

In this context I am a fish too sounds off. Maybe leave it out to just jump into "my fins" or what was next? Rest was great fun with the ...

With certain motivations, such as to express the stuttering of your mind, I think you're correct to keep them. You could limit them back just erasing a couple things here ...

I suppose I'll come out with it. The poem's goal was to get you to read the end rhyme. I wasn't sure if I messed up enough of the end ...

That's why you say "he named the clear shimmering wet liquid of the earth "water"" instead. It forces you to be more descriptive. However, I'm not saying get rid of ...

Yes I have noticed that they are all Japanese words and not a made up language. I just don't think that keeping placeholders for so many things is important.

Well, I think that shows how poor of a student I am at your Japanese replacements.

I've been across country on 80, 70, and 60, sometimes winding through the mountains and things. As I said though, your use of multiple fields is distracting because you could ...

I probably should have put father, but I was thinking Billy Collins for the 'mother' of 'Clarity.' This poem is really inspired by how when I was doing research Billy ...

The poem is free style, not structured. It is a colon because I am listing the names but a comma was too slight. I do have to rework this section ...

Hey Nightwalker, I know I'm really late in telling you any of this, but hey, whatever. So this poem I really wanted to echo the confession of sin feel, which ...

This has taken me a while to write back to you Victorian, but I think I need to say it for other people who read this and read the comments. ...

No, but I feel that with the example you should be able to expound the issues I've pointed out and apply them to the other instances. If you'd like me ...

Oh really? Didn't know that