AVilicious666

To love your executioner, Saving him at that Best lines of the whole poem. Try and use less questions and more imagery and figurative language and poetic devices. You have ...

i really like this. my only couple of nitpicks is that you do more telling than showing. my favorite lines are your first. and your last two lines just need ...

The poem has a really nice start. You ended really well with lots of imagery and figurative language, but where did that come from? The beginning you do a lot ...

This poem kind of seems like you're almost talking to yourself, which could be a cool way to portray it, but you need to use some figurative language. I almost ...

Joey on the Roof/Fetus 1 she lived in the deep south try 'deep in the south' and her stomach was starting to swoon. what does this have to do with ...

This is way off my usual scheme of things and I feel totally wrong posting it, but I wrote it on the spur of the moment and thought I could ...

[quote="shanan-cat"]This a weird poem but everything that is said actually happened, was thought of and done. Hope you enjoy! As i sit in my bathroom, and stare at a blank ...

Try and use your line breaks to help the flow, not hinder it. It's rather choppy to read, and while you use some imagery, try using other senses and more ...

Every Step of the Way When you’re hungry, grumpy or lone this should be 'alone' Or sleepy, restless and in a little mess the flow is murdered by this line. ...

Pocket Protector How my father sighs when the ink from a pen Has bled through the pocket of his shirt [[period here]] Reminds me of my heart’s silent choke After ...

Try and play with line breaks. Yours are way too long, which takes away from the power of the words. People have very short attention spans, so with poetry, you ...

Try and work on your grammar- it's off in a few places. Maybe try for some more figurative language, too. Also, you need to work on your punctuation. Your flow ...

It seems like your rhyming is forced, and when people tend to force their rhymes, it hinders their ability to really let loose and usually upsets the flow more than ...

My feelings for you have gone, show this. gimme some kind of simile or metaphor. Banished forever as if never born, You could do so much with this. Never again ...

Standing on the corner Always looking in. Looking in to what? Develop this more here. Standing there, I fought to wonder What do I see in him? I tend to ...