-KayJuran-

I really liked this. Have to say, I'm not the best at critiquing poetry, as I tend to stick to prose. Funny... it used to be the other way round! ...

House fire, I thought. Then I hear ^ changes from past to present tense. Very, very distracting... I'm afraid I've only had time to read through part of this, as ...

Lol, Magicman I promise I'll try and remember to go through this in the morning, but I need to go to bed now.. so you'll have to wait a little ...

By the way, this isn't a real introduction, nor is the subsequent diary real ^ The way you wrote this; until I got to this point, I actually started believing ...

Uh-oh... I don't think Renee's going to be happy :? I did see a few things I can critique on but a) I'm meant to be doing coursework and b) ...

Well, this ~does~ have potential... but it also needs some friendly-neighbourhood-yws-members to help out. :P So here goes... an evil smile spreading across her face ^ Here is the part ...

Whoa. That is so very scary... :shock: Definately not liking George. Hmm. One thing I did notice: He decided to do a simple home perm, eight dollars and straight out ...

Whoa! That was even more frightening than I'd like at the moment. Especially as it's past half ten at night here, and I don't really want to be given any ...

I like this story muchily! :P Although I do agree with what Snoink's saying --> A mysterious character does seem loads cooler. There's nothing wrong with switching characters - or ...

Hehe, I liked this! :P Have to admit; I didn't really get why Seeker poisoned the gryphon's meat... but I guess if this was the beginning of a story it'd ...

Well, this has gotta be good or I wouldn't have been able to read through all of those chapters in one sitting! :P Post more!!! And I'll look for things ...

Pretty much what everyone else has said. - Paragraphs after speech, and between different people speaking. - Some grammar and spelling needs checking. - More description, something that tells us ...

Woah! Hehe, I can hear the tune too! :P SO great that you can make a song about something like a calculator actually work . I don't know much about ...

Watching back at me ^ I'm not entirely sure this part makes sense... Also, I think in the second verse, you need to put 'me' in the sentence, just as ...

Woah, this is definately the sort of story you need a dictionary for! :wink: Seriously though, this is so well-written, it's been pretty hard to find anything to correct or ...