-KayJuran-

I'm going to look at content here, rather than punctuation. My main problem is that we're thrown right into something without any explanation. That can be quite effective, but in ...

I know I'm repeating what others have said here, but in some places the rhyming sounds forced. Try perhaps cutting the rhyme altogether, or playing around with rhythm instead, and ...

I haven't read it... but I did put some of the quotes from it on my art project, I think. At least... I was going to. Can't remember whether I ...

One thing I would suggest: I know Yuudia is male and Sora is female, but because of the names being foreign, it can be hard to tell. Perhaps you could ...

Okay, I'm going to write anything I see down as I read, then I'll put any first impressions or thoughts about the characters at the end. Here goes... She shivered ...

This is great Jack! Can't believe I only just found it... that's what I get for just looking at the posts from after I last logged in. ;) Hehe, and ...

My dear, sweet Brooke Leighann So many times I've wished for your hand Your words were cruel but your touch was soft I’d give and I’d give but it was ...

I'm guessing this is fanfiction, right? First thing I would say is that it'd be a lot easier to read if you had used a spellcheck or something first. It ...

The only part I found confusing was where you quoted. I thought it was a little difficult to know where Chris Baty ended and you began. That could be a ...

I'm quite confused about the setting too... It seems like it has to be England 'cause of the whole palace/queen/princess thing, but then you mention football (which seems to be ...

Letting your soul Invite breath into your body For years to come, you wish it was Eternal.... but it will end. I like the second line best, even though Snoink ...

Ah... Well, the main problem here is that it seems like you've taken most of this from something that someone else has written. E.g. Naked by Avril Lavigne. I wouldn't ...

Ah, I love this one. Okay, so there are a lot of parts which I don't understand so well, but that tends to be the way with me and poetry, ...

I did at least like how you seemed to be going for something different. I haven't seen many poems that are based around conversations before... However, I do think you ...

First of all, I prefer it when each line has a capital letter. I know that's a small thing to pick up on, but I just think it looks better... ...