Young Writers Society

Very Nice poem! I would regularly go into critiquing it, but I noticed that everything I would say has already been said. So, I will just say that your poem has a good rythm, and great ryhming. However, not a lot really jumped out at me. However, nice job not forcing the ryhming. Keep it up!
Lillizard wuz here.

I have NO idea how to pronounce Leighann.

My dear, sweet Brooke Leighann
So many times I've wished for your hand
Your words were cruel but your touch was soft
I’d give and I’d give but it was never enough

Oh how I wanted to lock you away
To keep you sheltered from life’s cruel ways
I held you close, you pushed me away
Only once I gave in and allowed you to stray

My dear, sweet Brooke Leighann
You were no angel, I’ve come to understand
But Oh those sweet days, I’ll never forget
For there is no regret in the time we spent

Nice poem, rose! I think you did a good job on the rhyming scheme for the most part, but there were a couple of stanzas like the last two verses in the second stanza, that didn't rhyme at all. Also, you didn't keep the same rhyming pattern throughout. For most poems, it is essential that you keep the same pattern (except for freestyle, of course), especially in rhyming ones.

The changes are in bold, and my suggestions are in italics.

My dear, sweet Brooke Leighann
So many times I've wished for your hand
Your words were cruel but your touch was soft
I’d give and I’d give but it was never enough (too many syllables-take out one "I'll")

You had my heart in your hands;
My mind was poisoned by your demands (add period)
I gave you all I could possibly give
Still[/b],[/b] I held on until the end (add period)

Oh[b],[/] how I wanted to lock you away (add hyphen)
To keep you sheltered from life’s cruel ways (add period)
I held you close, you pushed me away (add either semicolon or hyphen)
Only once I gave in and allowed you to stray (add period)

And there you went, gone from my arms (I'd change the first part to "And then you left, escaped from my arms or something like that-one you have is a little awkward phrasing.)
You were forgotten but not for too long (add period)
When I reached for you once again (take out when at the beginning)
It was too late, we had reached our end (add "But" at the beginning of the verse)

But darling, now the darkness folds in
I'm crushed beneath these blankets of sin.
I made you my life, I made you my queen
One more day, I’d give anything (I'd add "For" at the beginning of this line.)

My dear, sweet Brooke Leighann
You were no angel, I’ve come to understand
But Oh those sweet days, I’ll never forget (don't capitalize "Oh" and add a comma before it.)
For there is no regret in the time we spent (I don't like this last line. It just ends too...abruptly. And it doesn't go with the flow of the rest of the poem. I'd suggest changing it (sorry I don't have any suggestions for that!)) (add period)

You need to work on punctuating your poems. Punctuation can evoke more feeling, add suspense, calm a reader down-there's no limit to the powers of punctuation! That'd be my first suggestion.

This was my favorite stanza:

But darling, now the darkness folds in
I'm crushed beneath these blankets of sin.
I made you my life, I made you my queen
One more day, I’d give anything

I liked it. It seems well written and also like thought went into the process. It didn't feel spontanious, and though in a fairly general topic, love, it was probably one of the few I have understood enough to like. Good job.

It's almost like Poe, except not sadistic and pessimistic enough. Rofl-copter. I like it. It is pretty hard to write a good & different love poem.