Rejection

You stare at me
My friend, your friends;
As I walk alone.
Don’t blink though The "though" seems awkward there
As you might miss
The helplessness in my eyes,
The worry in my walk,
The embarrassment on my lips.
I don’t get how you laugh at me
When we laughed together
Once.
Just because you were better
This time,
I am apart from you,
From us.
So say goodbye, as
You’ll never be me. This line falls heavy

I like it. but what is it about? I like the rhythm of the words and the openness of it. I am very big on that. I love it.

Hey there, Fred!
So, this is a nice poem. I liked it. However, as always, I have just a few nitpicks...
1.) As Child pointed out, on the second line, I think you mean to say "my friends, your friends" not "my friend, your friends," however, maybe you meant to say it like you did (but I'm thinking it's a mere typo!)
2.) Also, I think the second line sort of disrupts from the picture I was getting. It doesn't altogether fit. It would have been fight to say "You stare at me, as I walk alone"...I actually think it's better without that second line, but it's all up to you!
3.) When you say:
"When we laughed together
Once"
I think it would be better if you just said "When we once laughed together."
Great job, though! Hope this helps!
-Mizz

I really like this, the simplicity of it, and yet the depth to it. There isn't much I can really comment on though. The only thing I see is shouldn't it be my friends in the second line?


-Flower-