Rei makes a point although some of the things you say in here are to "poetical" -- in search of a better term -- to be considered natural dialouge.
Unless of course that character speaks this way, then its perfectly fine! lol
Otherwise, however, you did a great job encompassing the characters feelings in such a small poem.
"I hate you, but I know deep inside,
You’re all I will ever be."
The irony at the end of the poem was a great touch and a thought it really tied things up nicely.
Also the way you desribed the hypocritical ways of the other character was just phenominal, though I do have a question about that.
Does the character think himself hypocritical? Is that why he hates himself? JW
Overall a great poem; can't wait to read the story!
Points: 890
Reviews: 15
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