Chapter Two
I awoke in utter shock. It’d felt as if he had touched me. A gentle caress, so beautiful, yet so deadly it could destroy with the slightest of touches. I soon realized that it had only been a dream. And that he couldn’t possibly be real. But he had felt real, in my heart. Even through the dream, I’d felt a connection. Though we had never met, it’d felt like we could accomplish anything together. As if we could’ve toke on the world together. Oh how I wanted to be with him, to travel with him, and to walk with him by my side. But I soon realized that he hadn’t been real, and that he never would be. Since beauty like that didn’t belong in this world, or the next.
“Callie? Are you awake?” I asked groggily in the direction that Callie should have been. She wasn’t there. I looked around and couldn’t find her. Finally I glanced at the floor, were I saw a pile of clothes. I assumed that she was in the shower. I went to the kitchen where I cooked our breakfast. She didn’t come out for a long time. I’d started to get worried, so I knocked on the door.
“Yeah?” I heard her say.
“Just checking up on you,”
“Okay,” So I resumed making breakfast. It was awhile before she’d come out. And when she did, she didn’t have a towel on. But before I could turn away, I saw all of the scratches upon her body. From head to toe, there was a wide canvas of marks upon her.
“Oh my God, what has happened to you?”
“I don’t know. I had a dream that I was being attacked by some wild animal. I woke up with this, so I closed the window. I haven’t slept since then.”
“Well, we shall just have to find out, then haven’t we?”
Soon after that we ate our breakfast and got dressed. For some reason, I felt liked dressing sexy. I put on a short, black skirt, black stiletto boots, a red, leather camisole, and a three-quarter sleeve, black, jean jacket. Callie gasped at me, and then looked at her own self. She was wearing a pair of jeans, a blue tee-shirt, showing plenty of cleavage I might say, a pair of black, cowboy boots and the usual cowboy hat. In her arms she held a simple jean jacket, for it was nothing compared to mine. For her jacket was simple, while mine had plenty of studs and pleats.
“Wow, you look quite sexy today.” Callie said remorsefully.
“Thank you, Callie. And you look pretty today too!” Truthfully, she looked pretty much the same, beside the scratches.
“Thanks,” She sadly said. And with that, we were on our way.
That day was a girl’s day. We went shopping, had our nails done, and our hair done. It was so much fun, that I’d forgotten about my dream in till I saw him, standing in the ticket line at the Cinema 21. He was even more beautiful in person. His black, wavy hair been cut short, his chest was covered with a crimson, v-necked shirt. He wore black leather, biker chaps over a pair of jeans, and a black leather jacket. Everything about him was beautiful. From his hair to his black, leather boots. I had stood there watching him for so long that it took Callie a long time to notice that I had stopped. Finally, he looked over at me. His eyes held the same passion as they had in the dream. It appeared as if he recognized me. Two guys stood next to him. When he wouldn’t budge, and I wouldn’t budge, our friends looked at us. But I barely paid them any attention at all. The only thing I noticed was that they both looked exactly the same and that one had his eyes locked on Callie. I saw her blushing out of the corner of my eye. So was the other guy! At last, she had found someone.
Finally, the guy from the dream motioned with one finger to come his way. I did so, feeling a strange pull towards him. Like I couldn’t control wanting him. I walked steadily and slowly towards him. Callie was at my heals, impatient. Once we reached him, Callie was practically drooling. The twin found this amusing, though you could still see attraction in his eyes.
“Hello,” Was all he said. Yet it was more powerful than anything I’ve ever heard in all of my life. I noticed he had a strange accent that I couldn’t place.
“Hi,” I replied, with a strong, firm voice. I tried to act like I wasn’t scared to high heavens!
“Have we met?” He asked, cocking his head to the side.
“I don’t believe, but I have seen you in a dream.” As soon as I said the last word, I wanted to shove it all back in my mouth and devour them! But surprisingly, he chuckled.
“I was about to say the same thing.” He gave me a half smile that melted my heart. I couldn’t help but poke my chest out a little more.
“Hello, what might your name be?” Said the twin who couldn’t stop staring at Callie. I wasn’t interested in their conversation, so I continued talking to him.
“What’s your name?” I asked him.
“My name is Desantheo Eli Waterge, what is yours?”
“My name is Victoria Relings, interesting name you have.”
“As do you, I believe I have heard it before.” He said with quite some mystery.
“Interesting, do you mind if we join you?” I asked with quite some boldness.
“Of course, so long as my brothers don’t mind.” He replied, looking at the twins. They both nodded. The one that had stolen Callie’s heart offered his arm out to her. She took it with an excited look. Desantheo did the same, so I took it. The last twin didn’t seem to care, but didn’t look like he wanted to go. As we stepped up to the ticket booth, three girls came into view. All had long, curly black hair, dark, but not black, skin. They all had big, dark brown eyes, and big, red lips. Just the way they walked in perfect rhythm was amazing. But not only that, their stride was so powerful, so intimidating. Desantheo took one look of disgust at them and looked away. I noticed he held me a little tighter. While he and the twin were holding Callie and me closer, the other twin boldly walked up to them. Then I realized that he knew them! I looked at Desantheo for an answer. He angrily stared ahead.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him, worried.
“Nobody,” He replies tensely. He gives me an apologetic look at continues to buy tickets.
“Are you sure?” I asked for reassurance.
“Yes, I’m sure.” He replies softly, looking at me from the corner of his eye. I blush and follow him into the theatre.
The movie was some random comedy. I didn’t bother paying attention; because I was too busy looking at Desantheo through the corner of my eye. Callie had been in deep-make out session with the twin. I learned that his name was Yasir. I forget what it meant, but it was something strange I believe. Anyways, the whole movie, I would catch Desantheo glancing at me. He looked as if he wanted to ask me something. But once the movie was over, he did.
“Victoria, may I ask you something? And you promise you’ll tell the truth. You don’t want to break a promise with me.” He asks, with a serious look in his eyes.
“Of course, go right ahead. And yes, I promise.” I say in all seriousness.
“Okay, here it goes. I feel immensely attracted to you. Do you feel the same?” He said as he drew my hand into his.
“Yes, very. Why do you want to know?” I asked, completely confused. I was sure that he already knew.
“Well, I wasn’t sure to sure.” He says, looking at the ground. Then I realized it, he was unsure of himself. But he could be bold when he needed to be. I couldn’t figure it out; he seemed so bold all the time. So I slid a finger under his chin and lifted his chin to meet my eyes.
“I really like you, and would like to go out again sometime?”
“Sounds good to me,” He said before placing his hand on my hip and pulling me close. He looked right into my eyes before kissing me with the passion of a thousand angels. And of course I kissed him back! I didn’t expect his response. Instead of slowly kissing me back like he’d been doing, he was hard, forceful almost. But I liked it. My own tongue responded in such a manner. But sadly, he was the one who had ended it. He smiled and kissed me softly once more, before departing with his brothers. He didn’t say good bye, of even give me his number so I could call him. So much for our date, I thought.
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Ok, since I owe you a review, I went to this one, for it was all I could find.
To start off, the story is more of a romantic one from what I have read. I am not that interested into romantic stories, but the title is whats keeping me going lol.
All in all, you had quite a few grammatical errors an you kind of rushed the story a bit. It was also switching from past and present tense quite a few times which might sound right when you are writing it, but it isn't, sorry lol.
I like it, but you need to put some action in each and every chapter to keep a person like me interested. Romance alone isn't enough.
Now to the storyline. You put many characters in the second chapter, just make sure that you put them in later chapters. Also, make sure to put the scratches in some more chapters, otherwise it won't make any sense.
I wish you would put me in your story lol, if I'm not in it already. You also owe me a review in science fiction short stories lol.
Hey youngwolf1105,

I loved this, and I honestly can't wait to see more! I'm going back to read the first chapter after this
Maybe, taken?
Okay, don't get me wrong, I'm loving the story, but:
Not that I've ever been scratched like that before, but I can tell you, melodramtic or not, when I get so much as a cut on my finger, my reaction is bigger than Callie's. I've been told that I over dramacise things, but I'm thinking in this instance, you do the opposite. Callie's a girl, tough or not, she'd be freaking out. In fact, why she didn't wake her friend in the first place, confuses me.
Also, the story is a bit rushed. This is generally the biggest issue to deal with and needs to be curbed with practice. As boring as it sounds, things need to be stretched out or else the world would know nothing else but short stories and the occasional novella.
Heels.
Generally, exclamation marks aren't used in this context. They're used in a more personal sense. So she's only talking to the audience, and it doesn't seem quite neccessary to be that excited. That's definitely your descision whether to keep it or not, though
Oooh: Past/present issue here. Your story is in past-tense. Repeat that to yourself. past-tense.
See that? replies and gives and continues?
And then directly before and after, Victoria's there with asked! Fix that, please, it's disconcerting! It happens again, too.
As I said before, it is a little rushed. I mean, you've introduced your second-main character (i'm assuming) not only to your audience but also to your main character! Not only that, but you've also introduced, what I'm assuming is the bad guys. And at one movie! This is rushed, rushed, rushed.
Confused.
Okay, sorry about the negativity previously. Take is as constructive critiscism, yeah?
I actually do want to read the rest. You certainly do have the passion in here, which is admirable. Sorry if some of what I said isn't right, because as I said, I haven't yet read the first chapter. I'll do that now.
Well done!
NightWriter x
It is a really good story.You should really continue that story.You made some mistakes:
1.. His black, wavy hair been cut short, should be :his black, wavy hair hadbeen cut short
2.For some reason, I felt liked dressing sexyshould be: For some reason, I felt like dressing sexy.
You did a great job!
Lili
You made a mistake here:, I felt liked dressing sexy instead of I felt like dressing sexy but the rest is good