Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Cody notices Lilian stop abruptly, her steps faltering as she stares into a shop window. Down the street, the sun hangs low, casting a warm orange glow that’s interrupted by pedestrians walking up and down. He turns to see what’s caught her attention—a dark blue jacket with sharp silver accents shimmering faintly in the fading light. Lilian blinks, caught between surprise and admiration.
“That jacket,” Ruby says softly, stepping closer. “The color suits your hair. You’d look incredible in it.”
Lilian spins toward her, a slow smile spreading. “You really think so?”
Before Ruby can answer, Cody cuts in, “Are we seriously stopping here? I thought we were just getting food.”
Ruby shrugs, totally unbothered. “Oh, we will. But let’s be honest—both of you look like you crawled out of a drainpipe. Most Sub-City folk do when they get here”
Cody nods, seeing her point. His eyes flick upward to the glowing sign overhead. ‘GALLERIA LUX’. Even from outside, it’s clear this place is something else—clean, quiet, and way nicer than the street they’re standing on. Compared to the crowds of people around him, there’s barely anyone inside. He looks to his left and right, and while the festivities have died down a bit compared to the extravagance of their first moments, the street is still alive with chatter and conversation.
“It’s one of the quieter stores in Nylon. More elegant.” Ruby leads them towards the door. At the entrance, a servoid holds out a scanner.
Ruby walks by, but when Cody follows, the servoid holds out an arm to stop him.
“Please present proper identification,” it says smoothly. Cody fumbles a bit but rolls back his sleeve to reveal his wrist. The servoid scans it and its eyes flash red.
“A minimum of Tier 3 access is required to enter this facility.”
Ruby, who turned back, looks at Cody curiously. “Tier 4? Huh. I figured you were Tier 3 with how ready you two were to buy things.”
“What’s the difference?” asks Cody.
“Tier 4’s just for looking—no purchases, no entry, no fun. Tier 3 gets you inside places like this. You can buy, explore, attend events. Tier 2? That’s where things get fancy—exclusive lounges, perks, personal servoids, all that good stuff.”
Cody nods and turns to Lilian. “So what do you think? Should we upgrade to Tier 3?”
“Honestly, we have the amulet . . . we could go all the way to Tier 2,” she whispers. Cody stops her right when she says it.
He whispers back. “Lily. We spend on what we need.”
“But personal servoids . . .”
“Don’t forget this amulet isn’t ours. What if the Milanova’s notice us overspending?”
Lilian nods slowly, realizing the risks. “So we have to lay low . . .”
“Exactly.” He looks back to Ruby. “How do we upgrade?”
“Most storefront servoids can do it. Just ask this one. I’ll wait in the store,” she replies. Cody turns back to the entrance servoid, who still has its arm outstretched. He asks Lilian for the amulet and she gives it to him.
“I’d like to upgrade to Tier 3,” he says.
The servoid’s eyes blink once, then scan him again with a faint blue shimmer.
“Please present payment of 5,000 credits.”
Cody hesitates. Then he pulls Lilian over, who shows the amulet, holding it steady—just long enough for the servoid’s scanner to catch it. She keeps it low, not flaunting it.
“Alternative payment method detected. Verifying connection to Milanova account.”
A brief pause. The servoid goes still, as if calculating something far beyond Cody’s clearance. Then:
“Verified. Tier 3 access approved for Cody Stratton.” It lowers its arm with a smooth motion. “Would you like to include your companion?”
Cody glances at Lilian, who can barely contain her excitement. “Yes. Add her too.”
The servoid scans her wrist, then gives a polite bow. “Tier 3 access approved for Lilian Carter. Welcome to Galleria Lux.”
Ruby is already in the store as they step inside. “You two are full of surprises,” she says. “Most first-timers scrape and beg for every credit. But here you are—tier hopping like it’s nothing.”
The Galleria Lux glows—not with harsh neon or flickering emergency lights, but with sleek design and soft, deliberate light. The air smells faintly of lavender, some artificial mist wafting gently from hidden vents. The lighting is soft, casting no real shadows, producing warm atmosphere.
Above, massive holographic displays float lazily, showing fashion loops and slow-motion videos of flawless models blinking and posing.
Then he remembers something.
“Ruby.”
Lilian and Ruby, both ahead of him, stop and turn around.
“What is it, Cody?” Ruby looks at him curiously.
“Why didn’t you need to scan your wrist?”
“Hmm?”
“When we came in. That servoid stopped me and Lilian, scanned us, asked for payment. You just walked through like it didn’t exist.”
Ruby pauses for a moment, but then responds with a nod, “Let’s just say I’m pre-cleared. I come here often, after all.”
Cody nods, although he’s still not buying it entirely. He can’t shake the feeling that Ruby might be hiding something, but he’s not too worried about it—everyone has secrets. And most importantly, she’s helping them without asking for any sort of payment.
He examines the people walking around. They don’t look like shoppers. They look like exhibits—young, gleaming, layered in translucent fabrics or sharp techwear, striding as if they’re waiting for someone to snap their photo. Some walk in pairs; others trail personal servoids like pets.
A woman passes by, electric-blue feathers spiraling from her collar, her expression unreadable behind a pink visor. Everyone here belongs.
Except Cody.
Even Lilian is excited and bright, even if she’s not quite dressed the part. He adjusts the collar of his own jacket—a hand-me-down from Rylan. It’s seen better days: frayed edges, a stubborn stain on the left sleeve, faded patches where the fabric’s been patched more than once. It’s definitely not fitting of someone who’s trying to blend in with Nylon City’s flashiness.
“Listen, Cody. Once I’m up there in Nylon City, I’m going to have to wear all these flashy new clothes. You should have seen what they looked like up there. This jacket won’t cut it, so I’ll let you have it, alright?”
Cody feels his hands gripping on the collar of his jacket even tighter.
“If you have to lose part of yourself to come up here, then what’s the point?” he murmurs.
Lilian turns around. “Did you say something?”
“Oh. Nothing, I was just talking to myself.”
A servoid glides past, carrying crystal garment bags, its smooth hum barely audible under the ambient music. It offers Cody a polite nod as it passes. The gesture surprises him—he’s not used to anyone, much less servoids, treat him with such respect. He remembers the efficient and no-nonsense servoids from the trading post in the Sub-City. Such a world seems so foreign compared to where he is now.
Ruby and Lilian immediately find a store of their choice and get to fitting. Lilian in particular is very excited about trying on new clothes. Cody remembers her always being interested in changing up her style in the Sub-City, but there really weren’t that many options. As he watches her jump around like a little kid, he smiles. Even if he can’t fully trust Nylon City, he’s glad that it’s giving his best friend the time of her life.
“You have to be honest, okay?”
Lilian steps out of the fitting pod with both hands gripping the edges of her jacket—blue and silver, glinting in the store’s moody light. The sleeves shimmer when she moves.
“Well?” she asks, spinning on her heel. “Too much? Not enough? Be brutal.”
Ruby gasps like she’s witnessing a fashion revolution. “The blue looks radiant on you! Bold but approachable! If I were a Tier 2 party-goer, I would want to get to know you immediately.”
Cody leans back slightly on the curved bench, arms crossed. “It’s fine.”
“Fine?” Lilian echoes, wrinkling her nose. “That’s not helpful.”
“It fits. It works. You’ll blend in with all the other flashy Nylon City folk. That’s all we need.”
“Come on, just have a little fun, Cody. You know you’re going to be next, right?”
Ruby darts closer, circling Lilian like a stylist on a mission. “Not so fast, Lilian. We’re not done here yet. This is just the foundation of your style. If you layer it with something mesh or chromatic it will really play into your natural tone profile. You’ll really start to look like a true Tier 3.”
After more discussion and modeling, Lilian and Ruby return, both buzzing with excitement and carrying a handful of glittering accessories.
“What’s all this?”
“Accessories! You know, like hairpins, mood-glass bracelets, those little chains that go over your boots—” she lifts one that gleams like starlight, “—and this one shifts when you walk. Look!”
Cody stops her mid-twirl. “We’re only buying what we need. These aren’t our credits, Lily.”
“It’s not your credits?” Ruby asks, curious.
“Well, we’re borrowing it from our good friend,” Cody says quickly to cover up the mistake. Lilian looks up at him at that, probably wondering why he’s lying. He’s not too sure himself, but he decides to not fully trust Ruby yet. For now, she doesn’t need to know that the amulet was technically not given to them.
“Hm.” Ruby looks curious, but doesn’t press further.
Cody quickly continues before a silence stretches, “And most importantly, how are we going to carry all this? This isn’t like those garbage trips in the Sub-City where we can drop them all off for credits.”
Ruby offers, “We can hire servoids to carry bags for us.”
“Yeah, no. We’re only going with necessity.”
“Fine, Cody,” Lilian says with a sigh, setting down a bunch of items on the empty space next to him. “We’ll just buy stuff we can wear, but now it’s your turn. Ruby’s going to make you look like a casual Nylon-ite.”
“That’s not a real term, but what she said,” Ruby chips in.
Cody shrugs but keeps a firm grip on his collar. “I’m okay. I’ll keep my current clothes.”
Lilian frowns. “Come on, you said we have to blend in, right? Trust me, Ruby will make you look amazing. Just look at me!”
He looks up at Lilian. She’s wearing a blue jacket with glittering silver linings on top of loose fit jeans and sturdy-looking boots. To top off the entire look, a pair of silver sunglasses rest comfortably on her head. He has to admit—she truly looks like she belongs here.
“You look great, but I can’t lose the jacket.”
Ruby wonders, curious. “Why not?”
Cody’s voice drops a little, quieter but steady. “It’s Rylan’s. He gave it to me before... you know, before he left.”
Lilian’s smile falters for a moment, eyes softening. “Oh.”
Ruby’s eyes light up, already switching gears. “Okay, okay. That’s actually really cool. We can work with that. Maybe... a rustic vibe? Something that complements the worn-in look, but still says ‘I belong in Nylon City.’”
Lilian nods eagerly. “Maybe a scarf?”
Cody shrugs. “As long as the jacket stays.”
Cody isn’t nearly as picky as Lilian when it comes to clothes, so his part goes quick. They settle on a simple red scarf, light-colored pants, and a soft brown jacket that suits him more than he wants to admit.
The moment he touches the fabric, he pauses. It's nothing like the rough, scavenged clothes from Sub-City. It feels right. Like it was made for him. Every piece fits perfectly, like the material already knew the shape of his body. Even the shoes do something strange—his steps feel lighter.
They reach the checkout servoid—a sleek black panel hovering in midair, flickering gently as they approach. It pings softly, scanning the garments they carry. There’s another servoid in the back watching them, maybe to help if there is any needed. One by one, their selected pieces float up for display on the screen: Lilian’s silver jacket, Cody’s scarf and pants, the shoes.
“Total comes to 3250 credits,” the servoid chimes, its voice smooth and genderless. “Please scan payment method.”
Lilian reaches under her jacket and pulls out the amulet. It looks so simple in her hand—golden, with a lion engraving in the center—but the moment she taps it against the servoid’s scanner, it flashes.
“Alternative payment method detected. Verifying connection to Milanova account.”
The screen flares.
“Verified,” the servoid says. “Thank you for shopping at the Galleria Lux!”
Ruby, for the first time, looks genuinely surprised.
“Oh my,” she breathes. “I didn’t see you pay with it earlier. You should have told me you’re associated with the Milanovas. That’s—wow. That’s incredibly rare. Do you know what kind of access this could get you?”
Lilian glances down at it, unsure. “It... came into our possession recently.”
Ruby stares, still smiling, but there's a different weight behind her eyes now. Not suspicion. Interest. She repeats what she said earlier.
“Well. You two are full of surprises, aren’t you?”
Cody doesn’t respond. He just places a hand on Lilian’s shoulder and steers her gently away from the counter.
“Let’s go,” he whispers. “Before someone notices.”
As they walk back out into the street, with Ruby following just a step behind, the weight of the amulet presses heavier against Lilian’s chest.
Ruby’s walking ahead of them now. “You two must be starving. If you want, I’ll take you two to the nearest food district.”
They follow Ruby down the street—it’s a little darker now, and the lights are now a dim magenta, giving the city an ambient glow. Interestingly, the city is even louder here—voices, laughter, distant synths from some open-air club. A drone zips by overhead, trailing perfume mist.
Ruby pauses near a corner stall tucked into a side alley. Steam rises from it in curling plumes, tinted by LED lights that shift between orange and yellow. The smell hits immediately—sweet spices, something grilled, something melting and buttery. Just smelling it makes Cody’s stomach growl.
The vendor is a servoid with cybernetic arms and a grease-stained apron, cooking something over a grill. It spares them a quick glance, then returns to cooking.
“Two deluxe gliders,” Ruby says politely.
“That will be 400 credits.”
It gets to work, plating something that looks like a puffy wrap bursting with color. Thin-cut strips of sizzling protein, shredded vegetables, a translucent sauce that sparkles slightly in the light. It sets them in thin triangle-shaped containers.
Cody eyes the food suspiciously. Something about it feels strange. It looks too perfect. Like one of the illustrations he’ll find on the containers for food paste in the Sub-City. He never imagined those illustrations were actually real.
But Lilian doesn’t hesitate. She grabs one and takes a bite and freezes. She doesn’t chew and stands still, eyes wide and unblinking.
Cody stares at her. “Lily?”
Nothing.
His heart kicks into overdrive. “Lily!”
He grabs her arm and shakes her a little.
She finally exhales. Her knees almost give out. “Holy crap.”
“What?” Cody asks, eyeing the wrap. “Is it poisoned?”
Lilian turns to him slowly, like she just walked out of a dream. “Cody... it’s amazing.”
She tries to say more—but her voice cracks. Her lips tremble, and then suddenly, tears slip down her cheeks.
Cody stiffens. “Wait—are you okay?”
She nods quickly, wiping at her face, laughing through the tears. “Yeah—I just—sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.”
It’s the second time she’s cried today, and Cody’s not sure if he should be glad or worried. At the very least, he’s happy that she’s happy. He glances over at Ruby. She’s not eating. Instead, she’s standing neatly to the side with her hands folded, smiling at them proudly.
She walks over and pats Lilian on the back, “I’m so glad you like it.”
“You’re not having one?” Cody asks.
“Oh—I’m not that hungry right now. I’ll just wait for you two.”
Cody shrugs, then turns to his own deluxe glider. He stares at it for a second—still warm, still releasing little puffs of steam that carry that sweet, smoky aroma. He gives it a tiny squeeze, half-expecting something synthetic to leak out. But no—it's just food. Real, actual food.
He takes a bite.
His whole brain short-circuits. He feels himself sink into his seat, his shoulders relaxing. His muscles, tensed up from an anxious suspicion of the city, start to finally release their tension. It’s like all the stress from their first day is melting away—dissolving into the night air, lighter with every breath.
“Wow this is . . . unbelievable.”
Lilian nods in agreement, still munching on her own glider.
Reveling in the moment, Cody looks up at that night sky. And sees the stars for the first time. They scatter across the sky, each one shimmering like it’s trying to be noticed. Look at me! No, me! they seem to shout, playful and proud. They even seem a little excited. Maybe they’re giggling to themselves after seeing Cody and Lilian’s reaction to the food.
And just off to the side—quiet, but unmistakable—the moon rests beside them, glowing with a soft, effortless elegance. It may not be as loud or thrilling as the day, but the night has its own kind of magic. Its own kind of beauty.
He want to mention it to Lilian, but she’s too busy furiously eating the deluxe glider, tears still flowing down her face. He’ll tell her later. Instead, he looks over at Ruby, standing there with a warm smile. He almost feels guilty for suspecting her of something nefarious. She’s only helped them today. She’s only be kind and supportive, and a good tour guide.
So why does it feel like something’s wrong?
“Ruby,” he suddenly asks, “How long have you been here in Nylon City again?”
She replies, “A few years. I don’t quite remember the exact number.”
“And you said you . . . work here?”
“Yes. I help welcome people.”
Lilian butts in, her mouth still full with food, “Why are you asking so many questions?”
Cody waves her off. “Just focus on finishing that glider, Lily.”
“It’s okay, Lilian. When a customer has questions, I try my best to give answers.”
“Okay. That’s where I have a problem,” Cody says, setting down the glider on the table. “How are we your customers? We haven’t paid you anything. It’s hard to believe you’d do this out of the kindness of your heart.”
Ruby looks at him, and they lock eyes for a moment before she averts her gaze.
“I... I’ve seen a lot of people come through Nylon,” Ruby says, her voice softer now. “Usually it’s adults from the Sub-City, looking for a second chance. But once, a while ago, there was someone different. Young, like you two. He was... bright. Talkative. He smiled even when things didn’t go his way. Said he wanted to see everything before making up his mind.”
She pauses, glancing away.
“He stopped showing up one day. I heard he found a better guide. Or maybe he made it on his own. Either way... he never came back. And I guess when I met you two, I saw a bit of him in you. That same energy. That same... hope.”
She forces a tiny laugh. “Sorry. That was silly. I didn’t mean to overshare.”
Cody doesn’t answer right away.
The food’s still warm in his hands, but his appetite has dulled. He just watches Ruby for a few seconds, his gaze flicking across her features—still smiling, still poised. But her eyes look tired.
And for some reason, that gets to him.
He leans back, letting out a small breath through his nose. “No, I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I’ve just been on edge lately. It’s hard not to be when everything feels too good to be true.”
“I understand,” she says gently. Cody sighs. He still has suspicions and misgivings, but right now, Cody doesn’t care. He glances over at Lilian again. Her face is messy with tears and crumbs and she’s got a stupid, radiant smile while she fights with the last bite of her glider.
He can’t ruin this moment for her. He’s not going to let his doubts hurt Lilian.
He closes his eyes for a second and takes a breath. Then looks back at Ruby and forces the biggest smile he can manage.
“Where to next?”
End of chapter
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So, did my 2 GR reviews and can come back to this =D
But I want to get philosophical too. So what if you didn’t mind losing that part of yourself? What if it is something you wanted to get rid of and glad to have it gone? What if whatever you find up there makes it worth it? Poor Cody. I feel like he doesn’t really know how to see beyond what’s right in front of him. At least when it comes to such things.I like how you set the scene here. Wished for like a tinnny reminder on where exactly they are before Lily gets distracted by the jacket, but it’s fine. There rest of the intro makes up for that and it’s all very immersive :3
Ohh and there is the tier explanation that you hinted at. Hmm you can still get the free food with Tier 4 so maybe that’s enough for my scheme to work =D
Had a random thought just now. The amulet and how it functions was not well explained in Ch1. How abt you have Old Benson actually know that it is used for payment and how that works? And someone else, less important before they meet him says that they’ve seen amulets like this on the rich folk in Nylon?
Yes I’m still bothered that they never really understood how the amulet works and just … went with it instead of figuring it out before going to Nylon ;/
“she’s helping them without asking for any sort of payment.“ höhö. Any payment yet XD I do think it makes sense that Ruby can slip through. Wonder if the rich folk just sent their robots there and would be getting annoyed if they got stopped at every corner. Owning a robot should immediately show you’re rich enough to enter these stores =D
Oh I like how Cody singles himself out, saying that even Lily belongs. I really like that aspect of their dynamic. You need Lily to push for things, to dream and you need Cody to make it possible and watch out for danger. I hope he can find out what he wants beyond surviving throughout this story.
I like this sentiment:
I like how you keep reminding us of the world they came from, comparing and contrasting :3
Ah maybe remind me again that they entered some sorta mall with many shops. I thought they entered a single store. Not sure if this is just my reading comprehension being abysmal tho.
I know it’s all to lure them further in but man, that line is such a nice showing of how the ppl here thing. Really cool: “If I were a Tier 2 party-goer, I would want to get to know you immediately.”
Ohh I am intrigued by mood-glass bracelets. That sounds fun!
I also like how careful Cody is around Ruby. Even if she weren’t what she is, just talking to random strangers abt the origin of the amulet is not a good idea.
If you write it like this: “ She’s wearing a blue jacket with glittering silver linings” I think she’s wearing a different jacket than the one from before. And now I’m questioning weather she’s been trying 3 different jackets that are all blue and silver somehow :/
I like that Ruby doesn’t push for Cody to spent more money on a jacket he doesn’t want. I just think that’s a neat feature. I mean she was probably afraid he wouldn’t buy anything at all but still :3
Uhm is he wearing Rylan’s jacket on top of this jacket? “and a soft brown jacket that suits him more than he wants to admit.”
I do like how you describe the feel of the clothes!
Hmmmmmm I do wonder how much Ruby is really picking up on or if she just doesn’t care aside from the money the kids are now clearly free to spend?
Remember we are in Cody’s head so this doesn’t work since this is a Lilian POV: “ the weight of the amulet presses heavier against Lilian’s chest.“
Aww oh no, poor Lily. Good food for the first time? I rly like how Cody describes it as too perfect. I imagine it is like this bc machines made it, huh?
So right now, from what I’ve seen, Ruby has never outrighted lied to them. SO FAR. Even the thing abt not being hungry is fine since eventually she probably needs to recharge.
Oh I kinda thought abt our own processed foods and gave a shudder: “He gives it a tiny squeeze, half-expecting something synthetic to leak out.” Glad the food is real :3
Oh my, I LOVE how you describe Cody’s reaction to the food *-*
Just …the fact that this lifts all his worries off of his shoulders, if only for a moment. Your poor poor characters. Oh I so want to know what happens next to them!
Ah well, there is the story she lied abt, that Ruby. Still, it’s not unbelievable that as a guide, she ran into someone like this and then he stopped seeing her. It’s just that she’s not emotionally invested in the story. That wouldn’t make it untrue, just her intentions abt sharing it.
Hm I wonder why Cody asks Ruby “where to next” when now that they look like locals (kinda) and have food, shouldn’t he elaborate on their actual purpose here and ask Ruby if she knows where to start? Instead this question sounds like he wants to continue the tour?
So Cody’s getting more and more sympathetic. Ever since you got your characters into the city, I just really enjoy this dynamic. He’s still wary but sad eyes got to him xd Makes me wonder how much humanity really is in Ruby? Or do we just anthropomorphize to a fault =D
Lily’s also very adorable. Loved the aside that she’s a little fashionista, even in her limited capacity. I also like that she cares so much for Cody and also wants him to have good things :3 It’s not just Cody who looks out for her, it’s mutual and this is what I kinda missed in the first 2 chapters :3
Ruby is great in this. Like she’s doing exactly what she’s programmed and she’s doing it so well! Really encouraging the spending here but in a way that doesn’t feel too forced. She’s right that the kids needed new clothes to blend in and food is important! I assume there’s like a business relationship with the robot company and certain stores so she’s taking them to those?
'Ello there, fellow Ado fan! What a fantastic chapter (that I totally am not reviewing very late haha;), but in spirit of Review Day, I wanted to get back into reviewing and this was certainly a chapter of all time.
this particularly first caught my attention. She's pre-cleared? What are the criterias to being pre-cleared, and does it have something to do with maybe her being a tour guide?First Impression
I read both chapter 4 & 5, but I'll be mainly focusing on chapter 5 since well... this is a review for 5 after all. But first of all, I wanted to say again that your ability to capture atmosphere hasn't changed and it's still as captivating as ever. Nylon city feels really alive with the tiny bits and pieces you put into the story, and it's really great that we are reading this from the perspective of Cody, as he's also a first timer and he's in the same shoes as us when it comes to exploring this extravagant, superficially hedonic city.
For the Story
I like how we're getting a bit of the "makeover" episode. Our main characters have journeyed their way up really fast, and now, it feels suitable to slow things down and get to know the city we talked so much about. Ruby was an interesting addition in Chapter 4 and there are scenes here that make me even more curious as to who (or what) she really is in Chapter 5.
Then, the second part that stood out to me was
Sure, Cody shrugged it off. But I feel like there's something more to her story. The fact that she "came" to Nylon a few years ago, but can't remember anything else, and all of this makes me believe with my full-on tinfoil conspiracy hat on; that she's a robot. I think this might make sense, as there's certainly no shortage of robots around the city, and who's to say that robots can't be as advanced as... let's say, Rose is?
Anyways, more than just Rose, I also liked how this Chapter is now giving us a sense of economics.
400 for two deluxe sliders, 5000 for tier 3 access, 3250 for all the clothes they buy, these makes the fantasy world building part of me curious as to what credits are truly worth. Also, now that we got all these credit numbers to compare, it truly feels like the class gap is ridiculously wide in this world. Sure, 5000 credits may seem a lot, but it's only like 25 deluxe sliders worth. That's really cheap to be "Tier 3", something that apparently a lot of people here envy. This tells me that the wealth inequality is truly horrid and that even in Nylon city, the majority are still poor and that the tier 1s are almost no better than the sub-city people in terms of wealth.
For writing, there's not much that I'd recommend, as like I said in the past, I really like your writing style. However, I did notice this one typo
I think you meant to say Milanovas as the possessive 's doesn't make sense there. Overall, I didn't notice anything else.
All in All
I really like where this story is going, and especially at the end, I am curious as to how Rose will be involved in future shenanigans that Cody and Lilian will embark on, as it seems they're connected especially with Rose's last remark which seems to be alluring to Ryan.
Happy writing!
hallo Ado fan!!!!!! (very excited for her new song dropping on the 31st btw have u seen it)
I was trying to figure out what Rose meant for a hot minute lolll I think u meant Ruby??
yes yes the ppl in the sub city just have like no money basically. without the amulet even if cody let her i dont think lilian would have been able to stay for more than a day or two, and she certainly wouldn't be able to buy so much stuff
I really liked your insights on Ruby, especially in regards to her true identity and relation to Rylan buuuuut I don't wanna spoil you anything in my review review.... so all i'll say is just keep reading haha
finally TYSM for the review and dw u can take as much time as you like :3
-yoshi
I am so good with names.. lol yes i meant ruby.
Hello again!! This is a great chapter!
I just have to take a moment and say how well Ruby goes with Cody & Lily!! She matches well with Lily's enthusiasm and energy—while not necessarily too energetic herself, she entertains it. She matches well with Cody by being grounded but remains to be polite, despite their mutual suspicion of each other and their perspectives on Nylon clashing with each other—which while those traits & aspects don't create an immediate positive dynamic, they do create an interesting one and sets up a potential positive (or negative) dynamic in the future. She manages to have traits that go well with the both of them, which helps with developing dynamics with the two of them without necessarily coming off as forceful and being engaging for the reader. Especially when reading the earlier chapters first then to this one, the dynamics are being built in a way that feels so natural. I'm interested in seeing how Ruby's dynamics with both Cody and Lily progress, and to see more of her being revealed!
This little moment of both Cody & Lilian finding/developing their own personal styles is such a heartwarming moment! It seems so little but honestly fashion means so, so much to express yourself as an individual which definitely means a lot for these two. This is a needed moment for the both of them; especially for Cody who seems to be constantly stuck with the underlying belief that they're just "supplies" for other people that puts him at edge, it's great to see him slowly feeling allowed to express & get into his individuality.
God I loved this description of the stars! It's so playful, and whimsical—unique! Despite its playfulness, it really fits in Cody's perspective due to the commentary on how "loud" and "proud" the stars are—almost mirroring how he views the Nylon city and its people, but without that hostility.
I also loved the detail that he was going to mention this to Lily!! Yet an example of him getting more comfortable with expressing himself!!
Before I start with any further commentary, I just wanted to say I appreciated the hint of the ambiguity around her age due to the detail of her make-up! I found it to be a clever, interesting detail of physical looks that makes sense for the setting and the purpose of her character, while not coming across as artificial. It's easy for a mention of physical traits to come across as so, since they're usually solely information for the reader—thus, not typically making "sense" for the story to even be aware of that detail, outside of it being information for the audience. I had re-read the previous chapter to read this one, which made me appreciate how that detail came across as more natural and meaningful way to create an image for the character without it being forceful or artificial about it.
Other than that, this quote is a great way to reinforce that ambiguity around her age. If you want to be nitpick about it (ahem, like me), her being distinct about "adults" makes her appear as being around Cody & Lily's ages. Then her saying "Young, like you two," makes her appear as being older than the both of them. Right when I think of the possibility of her being close in age to the both of them, my image is challenged...!! Though due to the distinct mention of "adults" but still giving emphasis on how young Cody, Lily, and this other person is, it makes me think she could likely be 18-19. It's the perfect age that's considered being more adult compared to Cody & Lily's age, but still too young to be considered an adult. It's like being between a teenager and an "actual" adult at once. If that makes sense.
Alongside that... this person she speaks of most definitely makes me think of Rylan. Now I'm even more curious!! Also, I appreciate that she comments on *both* of them having hope. With Cody's more realist and suspicious attitude, it would be really easy to not even see that hope in him, but it's definitely there (not for Nylon, but for a specific person...) and it's interesting that she even acknowledges it despite how guarded and on edge he is!
Her code is breakingggg! I really adored how vulnerable she was- it feels she is more genuine and human. Definitely seems like she is way, way more guarded than she appears. This behavior alongside her subtle suspicious nature are really interesting traits for someone who doesn't appear as too up-tight and on edge (like Cody)!
Okay, just wanted to give a little shout out to this moment because the dismissive is funny and amusing!!
Aw..!! What a sweet moment... the sympathy is a bit of shock! Not as if he's specifically an unsympathetic person, but that little moment getting to him so much to the point of mellowing out (for now) was sweet and interesting.
Again, great chapter!! I don't think I have definite theories for now, but I am quite curious about if Rylan and that man Cody & Lily met before had some kind of interaction and are somehow intertwined. I am also curious to further see how Ruby & Cody develop their dynamic and as separate characters, because I do have the thought that they could potentially be foils. Other than that... I will be looking out for more!! Keep writing!!
TYSM for the review!!!!!
YES fashion as self expression!!
Oh yea i think I get what you mean. Description for description's sake is pointless, but on the other hand I think I need more description in general. I feel like the story is pretty dialogue heavy as it is right now.
I really like your analysis around Ruby's age! You're definitely correct that I was trying to be a little mysterious with her age here, and yea the ambiguity with how she looks and what she says is just a very big hmmmm
!!!!!!
Love this
Cody's hope is different from Lilians </3
Awww man,, well if you do have any at some point, I would love to hear them!
Thanks again for the review!! Hope to see you again <3
yoshi
Hello!!! YW!!
I get what you mean with this! I feel, of course extended more descriptions (not really necessarily about the physical looks, but mainly referring to senses, settings, dialogue tags, etc.) always uplifts a story. While there is definitely value in simplicity as well, and that alone can be engaging enough, there is always opportunities to try experimenting with your prose and descriptions!
Honestly i think the only "theory" I have is that Rylan and that guy Cody & Lily met earlier are intertwined somehow.. but I don't know exactly "how". And that guy probably is doing some sneaky stuff revolving around credits that probably got Rylan involved too. But yeah unfortunately that's it haha!!
You're welcome!!! :>