Neverending thoughts
Of hope, justice, peace
But there is nothing.
We can never hope to break
The cycle of hatred
That blooms within
Humanity.
Compassion
Is beyond our knowledge.
We are all
Incapable, inadequate creatures
Who can never hope to comprehend
The truth
Behind ourselves.
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hey there, xxFleetingEternity!
I'm Euph, and in the spirit of Review Day, I am here to review your poem!
Let me start off by saying that I love the flow to this poem.
My only suggestion for you is that you might want to include more colorful vocabulary to lure your readers in further. This will allow us to get a better visual, though you did quite a good job doing so here.
A small critique I must make is that in the first stanza, you write:
“Neverending calls For hope, justice, peace.”
A revision that you might want to make to this is in the first line, but a dash between Never and ending, so it would be:
“Never-ending calls
For hope, justice, peace.”
Another revision to be made in the first stanza is in the sixth line, you might want to combine it with the seventh. This would complete the thought.
“That blooms within humanity”.
Also, in the second line, if you are going to put a line break between “compassion “ and “is beyond our knowledge.”, you might want to change the second line to “It is beyond our knowledge. This would allow the flow of the poem to be adjusted a bit more smoothly.
Overall, I really like your poem and would love to read more of your work!
I hope that this review could help you in some way.
If you ever need me, feel free to drop by either on my wall or inbox me something, and I’d be glad to help you out with anything, or simply just to talk about the revisions I have made.
Yours always,
Euphoria
This poem is rather more better than how you claimed it was. Any way, this poem had a great potential to become a sonnet! It still has it. However, to turn it into a sonnet you will have to reduce two lines. Anyway it is still up to you. You gave the poem a 9-7 pattern but a 7-7 pattern would have given it a polished look. Then again we generally use sentences and phrases in our poems but you have used just mere words in some lines. it is OK since you are giving your opinion through this poem and it does not require much picturing. It is vague too but I prefer this poem how it is as some poems are better hazy than clear. That is all. Well done and keep writing. Ciao!
Thanks for the input. I have changed it to a 7-7 line scheme now as well, and I think it works better than the 9-7 did, honestly.
This is light years away from horrible! I really, really liked it. I like the starkness of it, how it just comes out and thows the truth out in a simple language that doesn't cover anything up with frills or bows. The message is strong and real and painfully true. I also agree that maybe you could just consider adding an extra line at the end that kinda adds a glimmer of hope or something, but you don't have to, I think it's fine the way it is. I love, love, love the first stanza. It caught my attention so much in such a poetic and beautiful, heartbreaking way, that I wanted more, even though it works so well at the length it is now! Please write some more!
I'm glad it was at least decent. I have published another poem of this sort, but I don't believe I will be adding onto this one.
Okay,
Firstly this is no way a horrible poem!
It is extremely sad and depressing but they way that you have written it isn't horrible!
It has a nice flow to it and you really do a good capturing the mood and describing humanity.
"Compassion
is beyond our knowledge."
I love this line!
Anyway good job and keep it up!
Nargles xx
I wouldn't exactly call it horrible but it is slightly depressing... I like it though. But maybe at the end, you could add a slightly happier verse, to lighten the mood slightly? Or maybe that is not what you want to write? I think that some of it is true but some of it is going slighly too far - I don't think compassion is beyond our knowledge. Perhaps though, you are talking about a specific group of people who can't actually feel compassion. Overall, it is a good poem. Te structure and rhythm are excellent. Even if you didn't want to add a slighly happier verse, you could perhaps add a little bit more because it is quite short.