Mask

This poem was so beautiful! I could really relate to it. I do feel like everyone hides behind a mask. It takes a lot of courage to try to actually show your feelings. But, like you said in this poem, masks can break or break you.

I think my favourite verse was this:
"How long does it take
For you to break?
As you desperately cling
Onto the rope called Sanity
Though fate is inevitable
And so is Pain"

I don't know why you capitalized Pain, but I'll go with it. XDXD Beautiful poem, FleetingEternity. I hope I can read more of your writing.

Oh my gosh I LOVE THIS POEM!! ^^ It reminds me of my own life that I call the Dark Days, and this is EXACTLY what I was thinking. But expressing yourself, and seeing on paper how you feel or how you felt has this amazing power to bring some relief, even if temporarily ^^
I love free style poems and I love the ones with a certain beat to it ^^ It's hard to do, but you do it well ^^ Seriously, You have the Gift ^u^

Wow. While I was reading this I couldn't help but to think about my own life, hiding everything untill I fell on the point of a breakdown. This is written very well.
At first I wasn't going to even read it but the name caught my attechion and I couldn't stay away haha. I love this poem and I can see you have a great tallent for writing.
Keep on writing!

I could really connect with this poem. There are times in life when we all try to hide our true feelings behind a mask so no one else can get in. I think this poem did a wonderful job of depicting in words just how each person wants to have that mask of protection up. Yet at the same time, this poem also showed the reader just how difficult it is to keep up the appearance of the mask. With each cover it does get harder and harder to pretend the mask is what is real. It was really nice to be able to connect personally with a poem even though I was not the one writing it.

Hey! Great job!
Let me explain something first, I'm mostly reviewing so I can write, but I've figured out that I love reviewing. I don't want to be harsh.... I want to show mistakes, but not make you feel bad. I want to encourage you, not tear you down.... Okay, I'll start now.
I like how you start by explaining what the title is about.
'Hiding all the pain away
With a mask'
I think the 'climax' is:
'How long does it take
For you to break?'
It makes me feel, well, known. I use this kind of 'mask' too, and it reaches deeply. Where it says.
"Withering, twisting, falling away
Destroying yourself"
I agree with this... It is possible to destroy yourself. I would mention a few corrections, but I don't have time.
Over all, it's great!
Great job, and keep up the good work.
(I hope to read more from you soon)
Thanks
KRose

Hey Eternity!

Nice poem you've got here, such a realistic poem. Sort of reminds me of myself. When I check out the other poems of your's, I realized you write about darkness, pain or life only. Which I don't find it a problem really! Just mentioning.

Starting off with the formatting of he poem. Some editing to be done. This is general information, it is not necessary to capitalize every letter of a line unless, it ends with a comma or you're starting a new stanza. I know in textbooks and all, it is typed that way but basically, it is not. Its mostly the formatting of the internet but anyway. It is up to you.

Though, what I felt was it was more story like. Not really written in a poetic form. And some of the sentences was just way big compared to the other lines and I can't really point it out since its there in almost all 3 stanza's. There must be even lines (i.e; limit to the words of the line and the number of lines must remain the same in all the stanza's).

"True allegiances
True thoughts"

Here, I thought you could just match thoughts with allegiances making it "True allegiances and thoughts", you know, as in one line.

"And so is Pain"

I don't know why you have capitalized "P" for pain. I don't think there's a need for that.

"Destroying yourself.
You can't be yourself
You can't let anything show
You have to let go
Let yourself fall
Apart and away"

I think you lacked a little flow here. It looks kind of incomplete and awkward. Maybe it is the rearrangements of the sentences. I'm not sure, I can't find the mistake but there's something certainly wrong.

Overall: Good job! I see you've got a really good talent in writing poems! Please continue your love for writing and I'll be looking forward to your works! Rating this a 9/10.

xxKeep Writing ~

Cookie

Hey FleetingEternity, I am here to review your work. As I was reading your poem, I could not help but look over to your profile pic. It is Gaara from Naruto right?? Well anyway after looking at him for some time, I again started to read your poem. And somehow your poem screems Gaara. Were you writing about him?? I cannot help but feel that the poem is about Gaara or someone like Gaara. It does not have much of a poetic touch to it maybe because you wanted to write it Gaara style?? Well eitherway, this is a very good poem and I can get the picture very well. you kept a very interesting pattern in the poem. That is the 7-8-9-1 pattern. Good work!!:D

Fleetingeternity,

Overall, this poem is a work of philosophy. It acts as a general statement of an idea, and nothing more. That's not altogether a bad thing, but it has the potential for so muc more.

I have seen the concept of masks done over and over and over again. A lot of what is here is a general statement that can be summarized in few words: people put on masks to hide themselves. You never want to be able to summarize a poem, that's when you know you have to go deeper. Have fun with it, be original, and don't be afraid to ask yourself the difficult questions.

Try to go beyond general philosophy and delve into specific experiences. Use your own experiences, or observations of people you know. Try to weave in imagery into your work. Use figurative language, metaphors, and similes. Don't just state that a mask lets you hide all the pain. How exactly, does it do this? Precision.

Poetry is the language of precision. It aims to take emotion and craft it in such a way using words, that someone seemingly clueless about that emotion will be able to experience it for themselves.

It's one thing to say an idea. It's another to paint a picture with words.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions.

~ as always, Audy