In youth-
beautiful, timeless
wishing it would go by faster
always searching for justice
-naive.
In old age-
wise, wondering
eagerly embracing each day
always praying for truth
-jaded.
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140,735 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
Hey xxFleetingEternity!
Alright, to start off this quick review, I'm going to say it was really interesting. The idea you had was really cool, although I think you could have developed it a little more. For instance, you used the teen years and old age. You could have added being a child and even an adult. Also I thought the format was a little weird. But, I like weird so I loved that! Well, happy review day and keep writing!
FCS
I think there could have been more added to this poem. These events you describe are things that are very important and meaningful to people. Aging is something everyone can relate-- no matter what their conditions-- because it all happens the same way. Maybe you could have added some description about the despair and longing and possibly regrets that comes with old age.
"In youth-
beautiful, timeless
wishing it would go by faster
always searching for justice
-naive."
I think if you added "yet" before the word naiive, more of a feeling would and interested would have grown inside the reader.
This is a good poem though, you put to light something that most people don't seem to talk about in poems (from some of my experience). Keep writing!
Hey its Hero.
This poem is unique and written okay. I just don't see the excitement. What is it that puts this poem over the top? The theme? The idea? Imagery? Rhythm?
Yeah the reader can put a meaning to contrasting the young and the old but it just is not there and staring at the reader. The images are not detailed, the idea is okay, the whole poem seems mediocre as-if you neglected to try.
It doesn't seem like you are telling me anything I don't already know or saying it with a purpose. Just stating facts that any ones intuitiveness would tell them.
The rhythm is structured and seems to alter the content to this-I think the content is more important personally.
I hope you understand,
ImHero
It is a good start, it's a nice and simple poem and it has a truth behind it.
It is truly a good piece of work. Well done.
Wow it's short but meaningful, sometimes all you need is something short like this to put things in perspective
~Neverland