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Thoughtless Chapter II

by xxFleetingEternity


Finished and edited, thank you YWS.


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12 Reviews


Points: 1444
Reviews: 12

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Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:42 am
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CeruleanBlaze wrote a review...



Same reviewing format:

- second bed? Who else sleeps there?

- so in the dream, is the raven Katatshi?

-love the word 'orbs' for 'eyes' for some reason

- the January 2, 1998 bit was eery, but I really liked it. It put readers on edge and want to keep going

- "us"? I think somewhere I read that japanese people who are more elite or something in the olden days refere to themselves as plurals (e.g. us, we, etc)...or are you aiming for something completely different? :P

- "you're bleeding thoughtless" is a tad confusing as well

- you may want to space out your paragraphs more. It'll be a more attractive read and a lot more easy on the eyes.

Okay, yet again, I enjoyed this chap. This one wasn't as intense as Infatuation or as gory and sickening as Bloody Cravings, but it was a nice read, the type that gives you a feeling that you are inching towards a cliff, the big picture. Like umm, trying to squint through a semi opaque cloth that's covering a masterpiece no one has seen before, you know. My point is, this has great potential and I hope to see another chapter soon. :)

Oh, and i'm hopeless when it comes to naming mental disorders so you'd have to spell it out for me and maybe include a wiki link on it too for me to actually get it XD






-Will find out. All the dreams have relation to each other, as you will clearly see when the story escalates.
-Yes.
-You're pretty much correct. The families nationality is Japanese/British, but being from a line of elites (on their father's side) Megumi uses "us" to describe a lot of things, just as the others will.
-Fixed it.
Thanks.





-Will find out. All the dreams have relation to each other, as you will clearly see when the story escalates.
-Yes.
-You're pretty much correct. The families nationality is Japanese/British, but being from a line of elites (on their father's side) Megumi uses "us" to describe a lot of things, just as the others will.
-Fixed it.
Thanks.




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