Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Supernatural


Dementophobia

by xxFleetingEternity


I have gotten enough done with this story that, like Thoughtless, I see no need to keep it up. However, you should check out "Agateophobia" as it is the revised and edited version of both, meshed together.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
28 Reviews


Points: 2340
Reviews: 28

Donate
Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:19 pm
Seraph says...



The title reminds me of my poem, "Psychohomichlophobia." xD




User avatar
80 Reviews


Points: 5094
Reviews: 80

Donate
Sat Mar 03, 2012 4:05 am
View Likes
Picklesole wrote a review...



To be completely honest, I clicked on this just because the name was so different. But I actually really love this! I thought it was clever to portray Ruth's "other thoughts" like that. And with what starrgazer was talking about, when you wrote that one line that she was confused with, I'm guessing it was supposed to just be italics, and not bold. Am I right, because the line looked like something the italics voice would say. I guess it really doesn't matter. But I do have one nitpick. When you describe Ruth with "ice-blue eyes," in the next paragraph you say someone would see her with "bright green eyes." If that was just a typo, I would change it because it was slightly confusing...

Anyway this was completely amazing!


-Picklesole






Thanks, hadn't even noticed. And it was a typo.
The bold/italic for that one sentence was supposed to be sneering sarcasm. Guess I didn't get that.
If you need me to review any of your work, I'll gladly do such.



User avatar
38 Reviews


Points: 2117
Reviews: 38

Donate
Wed Feb 29, 2012 8:43 pm
View Likes
starrgazer says...



As soon as I saw the title, I almost laughed since the topic was just so...you. :) Also, this is crazy, but my name is Samantha and I have a brother called Victor. I was like, whoa, when I read the names.

Okay for the story itself now. The beginning gave me a sense of normality, like I was looking inside the mind of any other everyday girl. From there on, the whole thing spiraled into a mess of well, 'dementophobia'. The clashing, spiteful and messy voices really brought out the conflicting emotions inside of her.

One thing is the line, “We're not going to leave you, Hailstrom. What kind of friends would we be if we did that?” It kind of confused me because I got the impression that italics was the nicer side and bold was the more hateful voice, but that line was almost like it was comforting her. Was it suppose to be sarcasm or did I misunderstand?

Other than that, its pretty much perfect. I really like the 'frail-looking arms, sprinters legs' part, it really brought out her character for me for some reason :P





Every empire tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires.
— Edward Said