I had enough feedback that I removed this chapter, edited it, and sent it off for honest-to-God proofing. Thank you, YWS. :)
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
This is amazing! You are such a great writer, and the way you describe your surroundings and what is going on is awesome:) But, like starrgazer said, you could have added a bit more to the part where he was waking up. Other than that, it was really great!
First of all, I just have to ask, is the name 'Katashi' inspired by Kakashi or was that just me? Everytime I read the name I had the mental image of the grey haired shinobi in my mind (awkward moment if you don't know Naruto) haha.
Ok, ignoring the first part, I like your story so far. The detail is pretty good; theres not too much that it'll bore me to death, but not so little that I don't know what everything looks like. I suggest that maybe, when you describe Katashi waking up, add a little bit more to that. All I got out of the section was mild relief. Was he scared? Confused?
Also, has Katashi had this disorder for a long time because his family members don't seem to be too concerned that they've found him with a bunch and pills and stuff. Maybe add a bit more emotion into it.
Overall, its really well written. Review mine?
Sure.
I didn't think too much about some details. Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it.
No, he wasn't named after Kakashi... but it would be cool if he was. Kakashi's amazing. And you get points from me for being an anime freak. So I'll definitely go read something of yours.