Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,581 Literary Works • 673,530 Reviews
helloo!!
I will be your reviewer today *nods*
This is a really good poem and I love the idea behind it..It's really original and I'm a fan of it XD
Just a few little thingies:
Other than that: Great write! I am not going to quote my favorite part because I would have to quote it all XD
nice work!!
-qaralynn-
Woah. Okay, I really liked this. Like a lot. The overall message was fantastic and something that a lot of people will be able to relate to. The execution is a bit iffy at parts though. Which is why lyrical poetry makes me sad sometimes because without hearing its hard to know the flow of it all. But overall a very good piece. Maybe change wording in a few spots but other than that its totally desc. =]
You wrote this really well. The content of the poem surprised me from my assumption about the title. It was angsty, and it showed vengeance. Wonderful job.
Hey there writeitalldown! I'm Walker, here with a review so I hope you don't mind!
. The whole 'deaf, blind, and numb' thing is kind of neat and gives a different aspect on the 'new' girl that I hadn't really seen done before. So props to you on that!
And what I'm going to start off with is that I like the concept
But, unfortunately, there were things not so strong about this piece.
Firstly, you had a couple grammatical errors that really take away from the poem. In prose, when one makes a mistake, its spotted out and fixed. In poetry, when one makes a mistake, is shows a lack of time and a lack of care, because poetry should be read over many times in many ways to know that the flow is good. Thats when you let others read it so they can make sure your flow is superb. But grammatical errors should have been spotted out a long time ago.
Next, I would like to talk about the starting of the poem. You give imagery that this girl, throughout the poem, is stupid for ever believing in him. Yet, at the beginning, you make it sound like you're helping him out? I don't get it. I don't understand why you are making this about him when you should be making this about her. She's the one believing in his stupidity. You make it sound, right off the bat, like shes the kanker and not him. I don't know if thats a little bit of spite showing through or personal feelings you may hold in yourself, but in all fairness, shes not really the one to blame with this one.
So what I'm going to say is try to get your emotions down in a way whereas its constant. It makes sense. Not this 'I like her and I'm going to throw you a bone but shes dumb and you're horrible. So just watch out you horrible person cause she's dumb'. If you want to make an impact, do it with plot before anything else.
That and this was pretty simply written. All I got was the straightforward image instead of something that could have been interesting. When one puts a point forth like that, sometimes its better just to write it in prose.
So hopefully that didn't sound too harsh!
~Walker
I really liked this. It was sort of sweet with a hint of angst? A good combination of love and hurt, blended well together. You misspelled 'soo' at the end though. One 'o'. I'm sure it was probably a typing error. I had no problems with it otherwise. Very good job. =]