Through the vast
darkness, your bright eyes call me
In bursts of azure, magenta, and gold.
I sit, I watch you, and I’m filled with glee,
A habit I’ll favor ‘til I grow old.
Sitting alone in
the darkness so dense,
I am insignificant in compare,
But even though you are so bold and immense,
You make me believe I can live without care.
And yet, as I
reach out to hold you,
My failures muddle the path with dismay.
But I want to reach you, and I try to push through,
But alas, you will remain far away.
So maybe I’ll settle, admiring from
afar
But nothing will change the inspiration you are.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
let me just say.....WOW!
Last year, my class did a project on a Sonnet and (not to be rude) there were some that really needed to be worked on. I mean, some were actually really cool, but -you know- not everyone has a talent for creative writing, but you are totally the opposite. I've read some of your's and they were really good, but when I saw that someone actually made a Sonnet and I saw that YOU were the one that made it, I was impressed. A sonnet is really long and has a lot of parts to it. You accomplished this and I am blown away. Good job! This was beautiful!!!!!
Thank you so much!!!!!! This literally almost made me cry! :')
Hey! This is a really cool poem here! The rhyming is spot on and it all still makes sense, which is a problem that I have often, actually.
I think that you could maybe add a comma after the line "as I reach out to hold you"... I just think that it would work to have an extra pause there. I feel weird just telling you to add commas but I think that there's another spot, "in bursts of azure, magenta and gold" where you could possibly change it to "azure, magenta, and gold"... just for the extra pause in poetry. Of course it's all your choice though. Stupid Oxford commas.
It's a beautiful representation overall, of the inspiration this person is, and I love ALL of the word choicing, you obviously took a long time on it and I love it. "You make me believe I can live without care" ~I really like that part. Along with "a habit I'll favor till I grow old".
Well... I feel like I didn't really have all that much to contribute to our piece... (except me and my commas 😂) but happy review day!
~RowenaLynn
Thanks so much for your praise and edits!! Never underestimate the power of commas!!!
Wow! This is amazing! I love the way you so eloquently created a perfect sonnet to express your love for someone/something. It truly shows how one (in the perspective of a romantic relationship) could love someone, yet constantly be pushed away by that person. Definitely a poem worth holding on to - a sincere expression of a person desiring companionship. At least that's how I interpreted it. You may have had something completely different in mind, for all we know. Excellent work!
Thank you so much! I really put a lot of emotion and time into this and I'm really glad that you liked it! %uD83D%uDE0A
I love this!
Thank you so much!!!