Hello there wafflewolf7!
I m Kostia and I am here to give you a brief but hopefuly helpful review for your poem.
First of all I enjoyed reading it and I think overall it is a good poem and that you have a good deal of potential. I can tell that this is a highly emotional piece and I always appreciate it when people publish things like this because I know how hard it can be.
Now to the technical parts. I love your vocabulary it is both simple and delicate, deep with beautiful words and a great deal of imagery which is very importan especially in poetry.
"My favorite part of both imagery and emotion was the following:
The snake coiled 'round my neck,
and I made no attempt to run.
For I should have known I'd played my deck,
Standing in the setting sun."
I really loved that, inmy opinion there are no changes needed here.
Other than that I noticed that you chose rhyming in this poem which fits beautifly but it does have some flaws. For instance:
"I shared my hopes and dreams and fears, " this line doesnt seem to rhyme with any of the lines or words you use in the next verses. Maybe you need to rephrase that somehow.
also:
"to place myself beneath your heels.
How did I expect that I would feel?"
maybe change that to "heel" instead of "heels"
Try to look carefuly for such small mistakes. They can be easily changed and edited.
Overall as I said I liked this poem and keep up the good work!
Points: 3541
Reviews: 92
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