z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Zombies of Mariesville | Two

by vampricone6783


*This is part two of a series I made. You can find the first one under my folder “Scary-ish stories”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

After a while, the lavender glow disappeared. The four of them were in a forest, bare trees reaching up to the foggy sky.

“Where are we?” Luisa asked, looking around. She didn’t recognize the forest as part of town.

“We’re in Lavein forest, my family’s forest.” “In this forest there is the cure: A vegetable-“  Marie was saying, but got cut off.

“A vegetable?! A vegetable is the cure?” Luisa asked. How was a vegetable going to restore zombies back to humanity?

“It was a cookie who turned them into zombies and it’s a vegetable that will save them.” Marie said, glaring at Luisa.

“Now, as I was saying, a vegetable that is colored yellow and shaped like the letter B is the cure to being a zombie. It’s called vivus. All we need to do is find vivus and this will all end.” Marie said.

“That’s all we need to do?” Luisa asked.

“Yes.”

All they had to do was find vivus and then it would be over. Find vivus and they could back to their normal lives.

“Alright then, let’s go!” Marie said, clapping her hands together.

……………………………………………………

Marie was leading them ahead in the forest, insisting that she knew the way to the vivus plant. Luisa followed her, hoping beyond hope that she was right and they weren’t lost.

Josette walked next to Luisa, quietly and calmly. Braden was far behind, walking slower than the girls.

At first, Luisa didn’t think much of Josette’s silence and Braden’s slowness, but after a few minutes, Josette stopped walking and grabbed Luisa’s arm, worry in her eyes.

“Don’t you think that Braden is…acting weird?” Josette asked.

“No?”

“Look at him.”

Why was Josette so nervous? Braden was fine and dandy. He was-

One look at him told Luisa otherwise.

Floating next to Braden’s head was a small, almost unnoticeable black orb that sometimes hid in his hair that matched in color. His lips were moving, but Luisa didn’t hear a single word from them.

“Are you guys coming or what?” Marie asked impatiently. Marie had stopped walking when she realized that they weren’t following her. She wasn’t too far from the group.

“Yes, we’re coming!” Luisa said.

“But what about Braden?” Josette asked.

“Anything wrong with Braden will be fixed by this plant. Come on, we don’t have much time to waste.”

“But-“

“Marie is waiting for us.”

Josette didn’t say another word and followed her.

Luisa hoped that they could cure Braden, that whatever was happening to him wouldn’t last long.

Because they were running on short time.

……………………………………………………

The foggy sky was fading into twilight darkness. It seemed like they would never find the vivus plant, no matter how far they went.

But they had to find it. It was there somewhere, wasn’t it?

“No! No, no, no!” Marie cried out.

Luisa and Josette ran towards the sound of her distressed voice, hearts racing in their chests.

What was wrong? What could have happened? Did…did things get worse?

The girls noticed a shock of lavender hair and began to walk, till they were on either side of Marie.

Marie covered her face with her hands, muttering expletives under her breath.

In front of them was a field of smashed green leaves, brown grass in between the patches.

“What’s wrong?” Josette asked. Luisa crossed her arms, pursed her lips, afraid of what Marie had to say.

Marie lifted her hands from her face, evening violet eyes bloodshot with tension.

“This was the field of vivus…but they’re all gone! I should have known that…that…that Jackson would take them!”

“Are they grown anywhere else?” Luisa asked. She refused to believe that they walked through the forest for nothing.

Marie turned to her and laughed deliriously, sending cold chills down Luisa’s spine.

“No! This was the only place they grew and it was the only cure! We’re screwed! Done for! We walked through this forest all for nothing!” Marie screeched.

Behind them, something gargled and garbled, much like a zombie, but slightly more human.

They turned around, facing the noise.

Behind them was Braden, coughing out thick, black goo.

“Was there anything strange you noticed about him?” Marie asked.

“Well, there was this black orb following him and he was muttering to himself, but Luisa didn’t want to say any-“

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Marie asked.

“I thought that it was an easy fix from the vivus plant!” Luisa protested.

Why were they looking at her like she was the reason for their problems? Luisa just wanted to get the cure, save everyone, then go home.

She didn’t expect Braden to be spitting out goo.

“Jackson has got him and if Jackson has got him, then that means he’s here, in this forest.” Marie said.

“Take cover!” Marie yelled.

“Wh-“

Before Luisa could finish her sentence, Marie grabbed both girls by an arm and pulled them to the ground.

In front of them, a black explosion erupted, the sound akin to the boom of fireworks, taking Braden with it.



*Vivus means alive in Latin. I used Google Translate for it. I wanted to call it “vivus” because it gives zombies back their humanity. *


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211 Reviews


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Tue Mar 05, 2024 7:13 am
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OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hi there! This is Orabella, here with a review.

Oh no! The plants are gone! It seems that was the only plan Marie had! Now what are they going to do? At least there's many more parts to this series. That has to mean they have some hope, right? There's plenty of time to think of ideas, right?

"It was a cookie who turned them into zombies and it’s a vegetable that will save them."

I love this line so much. XD The fact that she just said this with perfect certainty, and acts as if it's obvious when Luisa asks is hilarious, but it makes perfect sense. This brought a smile to my face. :D

I also like how the plant name means alive. That's a very clever way to add more meaning to the plant, and the name fits perfectly. If only they could get it and save everyone, is the thing. Of course, you gotta make tension in stories!

Speaking of tension, you do a great job adding it in this story! I'm already dreading what's going to happen to Braden, and how in the world they're going to solve the whole zombie apocalypse without a cure. And the fact that Jackson is keen on making sure it happens makes him quite the adversary; one the ever-smaller group likely has to defeat, unless this story doesn't have a happy ending, in which case the zombies will probably spread to the rest of humanity, if it hasn't already.

My tip for you is to try to add different characteristics and personalities to your cast. Maybe add some motives and different ways of speaking - this will make your characters feel more real and be more interesting! If you need some help with that (like I do because I suck at writing characters), I'd suggest reading through this thread: Writing Rounded Characters. There's some really good advice in there, but of course not all advice works for everyone. Do whatever floats your boat!

This is just getting better! Thank you for sharing this story; it's getting good! Have an amazing day/night, and remember to keep writing!




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Wed Sep 06, 2023 8:20 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hello again! I'm back for another review :)

I'm going to jump right into the review, so let's get started!

After a while, the lavender glow disappeared. The four of them were in a forest, bare trees reaching up to the foggy sky.

I really like this description, particularly the 'lavender glow'. It really helped me to visualise the scene.

“In this forest there is the cure: A vegetable-“

Who's speaking here? Is it still Marie?

All they had to do was find vivus and then it would be over. Find vivus and they could back to their normal lives.

“Alright then, let’s go!” Marie said, clapping her hands together.

I love the kind of sarcastic tone here. Like 'all' they have to do will be easy xD

Floating next to Braden’s head was a small, almost unnoticeable black orb that sometimes hid in his hair that matched in color. His lips were moving, but Luisa didn’t hear a single word from them.

Uh ohhhhh

I agree with Lum below about needing more of Luisa's feelings when Braden is turning into/has turned into a zombie. She's defensive about not telling them what she noticed which is fair, but the kind of factual telling of it makes me as the reader feel a bit more removed from it, where I'd like to be all into Luisa's perspective.

I love how you ended the chapter on a cliffhanger! I hope they're all ok!

(Also, I asked someone who took Latin at school if the translation was correct and he said he thinks so, so sounds like you're good!)

Hope this helped :)

Icy




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Mon Sep 04, 2023 5:14 pm
LuminescentAnt wrote a review...



Hi, it's me again. You are probably getting tired of me from all the reviews I am giving you. But you have some stuff in the Green Room, sooo that's why. Oh, and I'm using the YWS S'more Method.

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Okay, so the main characters just met Marie, who knows the cure to the zombie disease, which is a vegetable called vivus. While walking through the forest, they notice something wrong with Braden, but they decide to ignore it. When they get to the place where the vivus plants are supposed to be, they realize that it is gone. At the same time, Braden's condition escalates, and Marie finds out about it in horror.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I think you could add Luisa's thoughts when Braden was turning into a zombie. Was she scared, or worried, or maybe for some reason she thought this was completely normal? Because I noticed you wrote a lot of descriptions of her thoughts for the other parts, but not this moment. How did she feel? What was she thinking? How did she react? Just a suggestion to help the story flow better.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I loved all the parts where you described Luisa thoughts and feelings, they were so vivid, and brought a lot of character and plot development. You also did an awesome job at visual descriptions, especially of the forest and also the characters' expressions. I might like this chapter better than the first? I don't know. But overall, you had lots of detailed writing!

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
This chapter had a lot of expressive visual details and mental details, which helped the reader visualize the story better. Awesome job! I hope you will continue this series, because I am curious about what happens to Braden!
Happy Writing!
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The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf.
— Shakti Gawain