Hi again, vampricone!! Sorry it took me so long to get to this, but I'm here now to continue reading and reviewing this wonderful story so far!
With each chapter you get better and better - your writing and storytelling is just getting so much more amazing with each new chapter, and it's kind of inspiring. In nine short chapters you've already improved exponentially. Especially your storytelling and descriptions - compared to the first chapter, you have a story that flows better and more smooth, and your descriptions capture the way things look and act so much better. It's a huge improvement and I hope you continue to grow in those areas.
Her once lightly brown-skinned boyfriend with dark brown eyes was a mass of skin that had a greenish-tint and had milky white eyes, bits of brain matter and organs clinging desperately to his body.
Descriptions! I was just talking about this! Not only, by the way, are these vivid and beautiful, it also establishes who exactly Charles is again. He hasn't been mentioned in a bit, and with so many characters it's easy to forget. But you establish who he is again and what situation his appearance is in - which is a zombie, at the moment.
She reached out towards Charles’ face and lifted it up, a gesture she did back when he was himself.
This is another example of descriptions, but in a different way. I can see your characters in this moment and I know exactly what you mean with their movements. The only suggestion I'd have here is - do more! Add more of these kinds of descriptions, maybe not everywhere or in as important places, but add more of these so we can see these characters and what they're doing! I once heard a really good piece of advice before that has to do with descriptions: let your characters interact with their environment! What does the environment look like and how does it behave, and what do characters do with what's around them? This can also help you know the characters better, too. For example, if someone is standing by themselves near a corner of the room with a lot of people, they're probably shy and aren't good with social interaction. If they're leaning against a door frame or wall, they might be laid back or bored.
He may not have fully remembered her, but his body did.
This is just so sweet, and it also shows a bit of, like, zombie lore? We know if you knew someone beforehand, that they might recognize you in some sense, and I love the way you phrased this as well. It's so beautifully done, and it kind of just makes you stop and think for a bit.
“Are you okay? Are Josette and Braden okay? Who is that kid? What is this place? Why am I here?” Charles asked once he gained full consciousness.
With this, it felt a little rushed and out of place. With the cure being so important and no guarantee it would work (or maybe there was a guarantee? My memory fails me XD), you'd assume the moment where you see whether or not it works would be drawn out and made more important, but this isn't quite the case here. If you wanted to improve this, I might lengthen the time it takes for Charles to get cured or even for the vivus plant to start working. Maybe at first it seems like it isn't and Charles is going to be a zombie forever, which could give Luisa a sense of hopelessness. Once it does start working, you can add this victory to the hope motif you add a little later on in the story. Another thing you might do is drag out the conversation a bit - let Luisa have a chance to answer a few questions, or at least add a way she's trying to respond if Charles is simply talking too fast to allow answer. I guess in general, let the moment shine and have some time and space to become important within the story and in the reader's mind.
“Where did you come from?! Why do you keep disappearing on me? I want to trust you, but all this time, you’ve been disappearing. Whose side are you on? Mine or Helena’s?”
There's a similar problem here, but to a lesser extent. Just slowing down and giving big moments like these time to shine will really help create those intense moments that I think would add to the story and make it flow a little more.
On a different note, I really like the bit with Ava and the side she's trying to be on - as well as Helena's comment about it, especially the trying aspect. It creates a cool conflict on Ava's character and adds suspense and a little mystery - and also makes it a little less 2-dimensional. With the evil Helena and Jackson vs. good Marie and her friends, it can feel a little less realistic and 1 dimensional, but Ava bridges that gap, as well as the possibility of Jackson being redeemed.
Overall, you've improved so much, and the biggest problem I think was with pacing, but that honestly one of the hardest aspects and you've accomplished scenes with amazing pacing that are so lovely. (The scene with Luisa and Oliver coming upon Charles? *chef's kiss* Ah it was beautiful, and it was set up so perfectly. It flows so well, along with so many other things that make that scene in particular so great.)
Thanks for letting me tag along on this adventure so far, and I can't wait to see where it goes! See in the next chapter. ^^
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