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Zombies of Mariesville | Five

by vampricone6783


*This is part five of my series “Zombies of Mariesville”. You can check out the rest of the series underneath my folder titled “Zombies of Mariesville”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*



After the swirl of white cleared, Luisa and Ava found themselves in a royal palace, lost and abandoned, cobwebbed and cracked, that seemed to stretch on with infinite rooms.

Voices screamed and cried behind every single door, but Ava pointed to only one.

“I hear a lot of crying from that door. It’s scaring me…it’s…” Ava didn’t continue. Her red eyes searched frantically, as though grasping for souls that clawed for freedom.

“It’s okay. We’re going to help them all, I promise.” Luisa said, heading to the door that Ava pointed to.

Hopefully there weren't too many who were trapped.

…………………………………………………….

After Luisa had opened the door, she found a little boy with one bandaged eye and ripped-up flesh, huddling himself in the corner,

“It’s okay. We’re here to save you.” Luisa said, approaching the child.

The boy looked up, his one green eye shining with a hint of hope.

“I’m Luisa and this is Ava. What’s your name?” Luisa asked softly.

“O-O-Oliver.” The boy stuttered.

“Take my hand, Oliver, and we’ll find my friends. We’ll get out of here together. I promise.” Luisa said, extending her hand out to him.

Oliver eagerly took hold of her hand, and then-

Luisa was at a picnic during a sun-kissed day, watching Oliver eat sandwiches with his family, grinning and laughing as he did so. Both of his eyes looked up brightly and his skin was all put together, no open wounds in sight.

A black, looming silhouette of a woman lurked in the distance, unnoticeable to most. She grew bigger and bigger as she got closer and closer to Oliver, until she was as tall as the very trees that grew all around.

The silhouette snatched Oliver with sharp claws, bloodlust in the intent.

Her name rang sharp and clear in Luisa’s mind.

She was Helena Blackrose, the one who made Jackson the monster that he was. The demon, the evil, the horror.

Luisa woke up back to the present, heart racing from being shocked into Oliver’s memory.

Josette, Braden, Charles, and Marie still had to be saved. The zombie cure still had to be found.

There was still work to be done.


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1589 Reviews

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Tue Jun 11, 2024 8:37 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



hey again! I skipped reviewing chapter four but I did give it a quick read before coming to this one so I'm all up to date with the plot.

Now into the review.

Her red eyes searched frantically, as though grasping for souls that clawed for freedom.

I love the vivid imagery here. It works really well for the genre specifically.

Hopefully there wasn’t too many who were trapped.

Wasn't here should be weren't

I loved the flash of memory when holding Oliver's hand. It's a really cool way to show us what he's been through rather than him just recounting it. I expected her to be more surprised or disorientated by it though, she kind of takes it in her stride. Was she expecting it to happen? And did Ava notice? I feel like I would have more questions.

I'm not too clear on why the memory flash happened either, because we see it from Helena's perspective rather than Oliver's which suggests it's her magic not his. I guess I'll have to read on to find out!

Until next time

Icy




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Thu Mar 14, 2024 6:10 am
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OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hiya again! This is Orabella, here with a review!

Another short but interesting chapter - and even more mysteries arise, with even more people to save. Luisa sure is making a lot of promises, but can she keep them all? Only the next parts will tell!

She was Helena Blackrose, the one who made Jackson the monster that he was. The demon, the evil, the horror.

Ah, so she's the reason Jackson is evil, and is technically the reason for everything, right? If it wasn't for her, Jackson would not have opened the bakery with the zombie cookies, and they wouldn't have infected people. This whole story wouldn't happen without her.
But why? Why is the question. Why would she spend all this time making everything miserable for everyone? Why kidnap this child Oliver, why turn Jackson evil (and how?) and why do everything she's done? She could just be a typical antagonist with no clear reason, but it'd be interesting if she had one!

So, where are Luisa and Ava now? And why are they there? What purpose does Helena Blackrose have for sending these two girls to this strange place? If I'm remember correctly, Ava said that she did this before. So Ava has experienced this before? How close is she to Helena, and how does she know her? She seems to know an awful lot about a witch for a little girl. I was looking back and I noticed a detail I'd forgotten - that she has eyes like that of a demon. Again, who is Ava, and what is she doing here? I'm so curious! Hopefully I'll get to know in the next part or parts.

I noticed you really only described many of your characters once; especially the main ones. You can try to repeat or add important details about the characters as you describe them so that the reader can get a better image of them in their head. You did a great job doing that with Marie and mentioning her hair again and again, but you can try doing that with other characters, too. Like you could mention "Ava's slitted eyes darted around in fear," or mention Luisa's hair flowing behind her as she ran.

The poor little Oliver! I hope there aren't many more like him - seeing sad, torn up children definitely is not something I'd like to witness, and I don't think Luisa likes it either. But it's so sweet that she wants to save all of them! I just hope she can, although again, she has a lot on her plate.

I wonder, too, how Luisa saw Oliver's memory? Is it from being in contact with Helena's magic? Is it because of where they are? Is the boy himself special in some way?

If Helena can teleport people as easily as she did, it makes me shiver to think of what else she could do. She's the reason Jackson is so bad, and I believe he was described eerily - and powerfully. I'm getting more and more scared of what's going to happen, and more and more I'm rooting for Luisa to win! I see bits of personality starting to shine through, and I hope I can see more!

Thanks for writing and sharing! Looking forward to seeing what you do with this story, and hopefully I'll have time to check out some of your other stories as well! (Is there a specific story or series you want reviewed, if I was to read some more of your work? If you don't want me to I don't have to, just thought I'd offer :D ) Have an amazing day or night, and keep writing!





We are great at fearing the wrong things.
— Hank Green