z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Zombies of Mariesville | Eight

by vampricone6783


*This is part eight of my series “Zombies of Mariesville”. Gacha Club character designs are underneath my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*



From out of the walls came not Jackson nor Helena, but Braden.

Braden’s lifeless eyes stared back at them both as he ran towards them, surprisingly fast for a zombie.

Josette ran right to him and threw the vivus plant at his face.

Braden grunted at the impact, but bits of the vegetable went into his decaying mouth.

With a molding tongue, he licked the bits, seemingly fascinated by the taste.

Luisa cringed as he crouched down on the ground, eating away at the vivus plant guts that were splattered on the dusty floor. He wasn’t always a zombie, but still…did he have to eat like it was his last meal?

The vivus plant proved to be effective, though, because his skin was starting to fade back to a peach color, and the rot was starting to ebb away.

“You and Oliver, go! I’ll stay here, with him.” Josette said.

Braden began coughing up mucus, his eyes surveying the place in confusion. Josette sat next to him on the floor and put her arms around him, flicking away the vivus splatters on his face.

Luisa glanced at them for a few seconds before walking off, Oliver gripping her wrist as though at any given moment, a bloodthirsty monster would pop out.

She’d find Charles, and then they would embrace. He was in there somewhere, waiting for her to save him…

She just had to keep going.

……………………………………………………

Luisa kicked open door after door, determined to find Charles, Marie, and maybe even Ava, if she’d find her.

Why was Ava always disappearing, anyway? Was it her mistake to trust Ava?

Ava…Ava…the world was beginning to slip…no…she couldn’t fall into another memory…she had to stay strong…for everyone else…

“Luisa?” Oliver asked uncertainly.

The decaying hallway faded out, and then, there was only a void of pitch black.

……………………………………………………

Inside a mansion with curtained windows that let in the sun and had roses sprawling on the brick walls, there was a young, about fourteen year old lightly brown-skinned girl with large, dark brown eyes and tumbling pink hair.

The hair.The pink hair. That only belonged to one girl, and that girl was Ava.

Ava was dressed in a crisp blue dress, a red bow perched on her head. Did she always dress like a doll? Was that what she liked to do?

Luisa stepped closer to her.

There was something else about her, too. Her eyes…her eyes were so large…uncannily so…like…like soulless orbs…she was thin, too…thin enough for Luisa to see the bones sticking out from her skin, as they wanted to pop out from the confinements of flesh.

“And you want to dance? Out there? For everyone to see you?” An older woman’s voice asked.

Luisa turned towards the sound.

A woman in a black dress with her gray hair tied up in a severe bun stared hard at Ava, as though she wished to pluck apart her innards piece by piece.

“Yes, mother. I want to dance at your school. For everyone to see me. Isn’t that the point of your dance school? For students to be seen? I know that you haven’t been teaching me, but I’ve been learning with Dad, and I want to dance at the local theater. Won’t you let me go?” Ava asked.

Her brown eyes were full of innocence and hope, a twitch of a smile was beginning to form on her face.

But the woman frowned, saying:

“I don’t intend for a witch to perform at my theater.”

Luisa took a step back. Ava’s eyes flickered with hurt, but then, they flashed with anger.

“It’s not my fault that I’m a witch! Some people are born witches, some aren’t. You always act like I’m to blame for being born! You never let me dance with the others! I never asked to be a witch!” Ava cried out.

Her eyes blinked back tears, but her hands shook as golden light crawled from her skin, growing in mass, until it funneled towards the woman…wait…funneled?

The golden light was going towards the woman’s knife in her hand…a knife…why was she holding a knife?

“This knife takes away your magic. You can’t kill me, Ava. Your father is gone, and now you’ll be gone. I’m finally going to get rid of the witch.” The woman sneered.

Ava’s eyes widened in fear, but she stood still, the light still crawling from her hands, as though if she focused hard enough, her magic would work.

Luisa ran towards them, trying to stop it, but it was just a memory. A memory couldn’t be changed.

The woman stabbed Ava in the chest.

A black, hulking shadow loomed in the corner, reaching out towards Ava.

Reaching out…

……………………………………………………

Luisa was back in her own world. She was sitting on the floor, a closed door in front of her. A door that may or may not held Charles and Ava.

“Luisa? Are you okay? You fell down and I thought that you died and-“

“I’m fine, Oliver. I’m fine. I just had a fainting spell, that’s all. All the dust in this house is making me a little woozy.” Luisa said, picking herself up from the floor.

Ava was kept away because she was a witch. Her mother killed her and her father, all because they didn’t agree with her views.

It was likely what led Ava to be changed. It was likely that the shadow was Helena.

If Helena could change so many people for worst, who was to say that Luisa herself wouldn’t change? That Marie didn’t change? Marie didn’t show up in a while…

No time to think about it. Oliver was suffering, they were all suffering.

There was one more door that Luisa had to open.

She turned the knob…


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
243 Reviews

Points: 27897
Reviews: 243

Donate
Fri Jun 21, 2024 6:47 am
View Likes
OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hello there! Orabella here for another review! ^^

I've probably said this way too many times by now, but this story is so exciting, and it just gets better and better. All of the things being revealed, and things finally starting to happen. Always excited to see a new chapter posted (and fun to see your character designs.) With all that said, let's get into it! :)

There are so many things in this chapter to get excited about... or surprised about, or scared about. And yay! The vivus plant works! And now Braden is back, but the question is, is he back all the way? Are there any side effects? It's interesting that as a zombie, he would eat the plant, and so crazily, too. You'd think zombies would realize it would un-zombify them and stay away, but nope. That's something I think you could clarify - why zombie Braden eats the vivus plant so ferociously. Another thing I'd add is a quick recap of who Braden is - with so many characters, it can be hard to keep track, and I had to go back for a bit to see who exactly he was.

Like always, I love the descriptions you have in here, particularly for creepy things. I especially love the part with Braden and the Vivus plant; the descriptions are interesting and vivid, and it felt like I can see them as I read.

Luisa glanced at them for a few minutes before walking off,

The words 'glanced' and 'minutes' don't work very well in this context, I think. Glanced makes me think of very quick, only for a few moments, but minutes is significantly longer than that. If you changed one of the words, like glanced to peered or minutes to seconds, I think this would make it a little better. (Not a huge problem. Just thought I'd mention it.)

And Luisa is still getting these strange memories from moments she didn't experience... I wonder why? It's a very interesting plot tool to show flashbacks of what happened previously, and to help your main character solve the puzzle of what's going on. I hope and can't wait if so to see how and why this is happening - is it perhaps a side effect of being around Helena? Or does Ava have something to do with it? Hmm...

For some reason, I feel like Ava is Helena. They both are witches - is Ava perhaps the past version of Helena? I doubt it, but it was a random thought I had. (Also, Helena really doesn't have a reason to do that, so...)

I also wonder where Ava's mother got the knife, and why she hadn't used it before? If this was a 'problem' of Ava being so different or scary because of her witch powers, why hadn't her mother limited her magic before? Unless the mother recently acquired the knife from none other than Helena. Is she truly behind everything everywhere? Is she the reason for all the things that go wrong? It makes me wonder why Helena is so evil and why she does all this (even if what I mentioned previously is not something she was behind)

I like the bit near the end where Luisa is theorizing what's really going on - it gives the reader a moment to catch up and also to see things from her point of view - she is the main character, after all.

Also, it's sweet how Oliver was worried about Luisa. It helps move the story along and lets it have different layers - everything isn't just oh no this, oh no that. It also gives them a little more dimension. Had he not realized Luisa's "dizzy spell," it would have seemed unnatural and would've taken the reader out of the story.

No time to think about it. Oliver was suffering, they were all suffering.

I really like these lines - they're powerful, but simple, and it's a nice transition to the next item on Luisa's mind. It also feels a bit like her, and feels more like a thought than a regular story/writing transition. It also takes the reader back to the main thing at hand and what must be done next, and a brief description of the dire situation they are in. All if this in a few words. Nice job! :D

And I like the different way you ended it - still in a cliffhanger like the last chapter, but in a different way. Not an immediate danger, but a question, "what if people change?" In some ways I think that's even more powerful, and it makes me even more anxious to read the next chapter!

Thank you so much for writing and sharing! ^^ Can't wait to see what the next chapters unfold - perhaps some of my many questions will be answered? I guess I'll have to wait and see! Have an amazing day/night, and don't forget to keep writing! (Your stories aren't like anything I've seen before, and I'd love to see you continue them. :) )




vampricone6783 says...


^v^



User avatar
1524 Reviews

Points: 160372
Reviews: 1524

Donate
Fri Jun 14, 2024 9:22 pm
View Likes
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hello hello I’m finally all caught up on this one! I'm going to try my best to catch up with the other ones you’ve posted over the next couple of weeks where I can too.

For now though, let’s get into the review for this one.

I can’t help but feel we’re getting a lot of jumping into memories at the moment. I really like the technique and the style but they might be a bit too frequent without long enough gaps in the middle. I’m not really feeling the impact because I’m reading each part with a day in between but I think it would be too much if I was reading it all in one go. Maybe they could be paced out a bit more?

The reaction to Braden also seemed a bit calm. Were they expecting this?

Luisa’s character comes through really well in this chapter. I like how she’s scared of what comes next showing her vulnerability but she does it anyway, which makes her extra brave. I feel like there might be some more hard chapters ahead for her but I hope it all works out.

Let me know when part 9 is out!

Icy




vampricone6783 says...


Okay!




Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.
— Antonio Machado