you call me a faker
but if i were you i would take a look in the mirror
your not much better than me
you laugh at me because i cut my wrists
well you laugh because you are to scared to do it
i dress in black because i like the color
you dress in black because you think it makes you cool
i never smile because there no reason to
so don't smile because you think you have something to be depressed about
well you don't
you don't have to live with the fact that your parents hate you and call you worthless
you don't have to live with the fact that you have no friends
you don't have to live with people who call you a freak
you don't have to live with the fact that you are truly alone
and that the one person you loved ended there life
you don't understand the fact that i have nobody while you do
you have a life
with people that care
everybody wants to be your friend
your not the one who cries herself to sleep
your not the one that wants to be dead
everything that people tell me i know there telling the true
because who the hell would care about me the freak
the unloved one
the one that wants to die
you don't understand
so take a look in the mirror
who's the one that has the hard time
because you definitely don't
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140,144 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey talentedwriter!
There's this one poem I read about someone who complains to this poet that all he writes is about depressing stuff. It's called, Terence, this is stupid stuff. It's a really good poem! Anyway, it kind of reminds me of this poem, which is why I'm mentioning it.
What the Terence poem does that I think you should do more of is to run circles around "him." That is, you mostly say, "You don't _____!" But that's not really convincing! Instead of just saying, "Your life is _____ and mine is _____," describe more fully what your life is so that we get the full impact. For instance, in my neighborhood just recently, after a nasty divorce between a man and his meth-addict wife, she came to his house with a loaded shotgun, broke in, and tried to kill him. They have kids. Anyway, let's just say your narrator is a kid in that situation. That's just awful and we, the readers, would instantly sympathize with you if you were in that situation. Or maybe the narrator is permanently disabled, etc. There could be a host of reasons why this person is totally alone without a friend in the world. So tell us! It'll make your poem that much better.
cliche, find a new topic. I have heard the same poem tons of times.
When you can portray it uniquely, then post it.
I hope you don't really feel like that. *hug* Welcome to YWS, by the way!
Some points in punctuation and such--proofread! Also, I would probably split the poem into stanzas.
I feel as if your poem was actually contradicting the point you were trying to make--you seemed to be trying to say that the narrator truly deserves to be an "emo" stereotype, but the poem seems a bit too angsty, taking away from what you're trying to make us believe.
I liked the first three lines very much. Keep on writing!