You told her you loved her and like a fool she believed you.
You told her to trust you and like a child she trusted.
You asked for everything and so she gave you everything.
Your lies helped her go to sleep at night.
Sweet words that she wrapped around herself like armour
Thinking that you would save her
from her demons.
You ripped away her layers
Until you found her being
But you didn't stop
Or think that maybe what you were doing was wrong.
You stripped everything away.
And left her with nothing
but a broken soul.
You taught her what it was to fear
she learned from you how to hate
you made her bleed and feel pain
She now hates the world.
Yes, you left Her twisted.
But she's better of having known you.
As sadistic as it sounds.
You made her grow up.
You opened her eyes to the world that she lives in.
You made Her strong when before she was weak.
In you she found something deeper than her pain.
she found a way to survive.
no matter how twisted it seems
you improved her for the best.
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Hi, you are going to love this sight. As long as you don’t mind nitpicks that is.
I agree with Biffle1 you are very talented. But, I also agree with Kyllorac you need to focus more on the last Stanza. Besides that I am just wondering where any rhythm comes in with the stanzas. The first one has three lines and the last one has 10. If you made them all closer to the same length it would probably flow smoother.
Hello and welcome to the site.
The first four stanzas really had nothing going for them. They're very simplistic and cliche; almost identical phrases and themes can be found in most teen angst poetry. As such, they weren't interesting to read. In poetry, uniqueness and originality are key if you want your poem to stand out and be remembered.
You did do something interesting in the last stanza, though. I would have liked to see you expand on exactly how "she" being twisted made her stronger and able to survive. If you were to revise this poem to focus on that, I think you might wind up with an interesting and unusual poem.
your name is so wrong. You are a VERY VERY talented writer. No nit picks.
FANTASTIQUE!!!
~biffle