Verse: (soft and broken sounding) Capo, N/A, Open Chords C, D, G
I know you're gone.
Your soul follows along, Mm-mmm.
This growing cold coats you still (still).
Oh, What I could do if you still cared (oh, cared).
I'd ask you to..
Chorus: (A little more forceful, but still serene)
Stay.
Listen to what I say.
Stay. Oh, Mm-mm.
You burned my heart at the stake (shoulda stayed).
But instead of runnin', I stayed. Oh, I shoulda run away!
(Guitar musical break)
Verse?: (slightly aggressive on the strumming pattern. Added beat to strumming pattern)
If I had a choice on the matter,
You'd still be here.
If I could change your mind,
(break, or musical cut)
You'd still be here.
Chorus: (crescendo)
Stay.
That's all you had to do, just
Stay. Oh,
You were my lover, all I ever asked for was love.
Yet you gave up. (You gave up)
Instead you went away.
No you didn't stay.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the dastardly S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a song about how someone lost an individual who was dear to them just because said individual didn’t want to stay anymore. They were left with a deep hole in their chest that never fully healed in life as time went on, unfortunately.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no personal recommendations to make, but if you wish to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how the character still manages to keep a calm facade even though they’re starting to break a bit. It’s as though they are desperate for this one person to stay in their lives and are trying their best to curb their emotions, but it isn’t so easy to do such a task. As time goes on the sadness starts to creep in over how they were left behind, how they wished that the one special person stayed…
Closing Graham Cracker - A song of lost love that has died away, I have enjoyed reading this. I do hope that they are able to find peace and solace in their life, but I doubt that they will be able to, considering that they lost someone so dear to them. Their very world may have broken apart and who knows how long it will take to bring it back up again?
I wish you a lovely day/night! ^v^
Thank you so much for the review <3
You%u2019re welcome!
i love it
i feel like the four lines after the first musical break would be more of a bridge than a verse, but other than that it's very nice.
you could use some extension chords in that section too, just for some tension before the music cut, which would lead into the chorus. throwing in some borrowed chords from c minor would be really cool
overall, nice song man. i'd love to hear the full thing when you finish it
love, ash
Those are some good tips. I'll think back on it when I make edits. Thank you! <3
~Taost
of course