If you have not read the other short stories that I have written, I suggest at least reading "Keeping Distance", for that's Carmon's character arc. Otherwise, this might get confusing. All my short stories correspond with each other!
It was cold. Then it was hot. The blood seeping into the frostbitten ground was staining the white snow. Yet, the blood that glistened on her weapons and gear was frightening.
Carmon didn't know what to do at first. She was mad. They had watched the video, Delta Force had seen the ransom and she was mad. The enemy had taken their station chief and tortured her, just to broadcast it to them and ask for an impossible amount of money. At that moment, she had seen red.
Yes, she went against orders from her CO. Yes, she may have committed a few war crimes, but even now as she stares at the bodies of several massacred soldiers, she regrets nothing. Her hands were shaking and she was breathing heavily. Her breath was fogging out into small puffs of air from her gas mask. No regrets, she thinks to herself. She starts to move forward. No regrets at all.
She pockets her knife as she wanders through the base, occasionally taking out another soldier here and there. Carmon needs to get downstairs, or that's what she says. That's where most of the enemy cells are held. She should know. She's had to go there before.
She broke her radio before she had left, so all that follows her is silence. She didn't want to hear what the Colonel would be threatening her with once she returned. Though Carmon knows that they tried to stop her.
Surprisingly enough, it was Hope who didn't try to stop her. In fact, Hope was the one who only stopped her to hand her a vial of medication.
"Just in case," she had said. Carmon hadn't responded. She just stared coldly at the girl.
"Just in case she needs it. Alright?" She said once more, patting Carmon's shoulder as she slid the vial into her hand. "Keep her safe, Legend. Bring her back to us."
Then the medic had disappeared.
Muttering to herself, Carmon made her way down a series of stairs. It wasn't long before she reached a door. She tried the handle, but it was locked. Now she wishes she had waited. Regardless, she takes out her knife, shoving the blade just above the lock. She pushes for a moment before slamming down on the handle of the knife aggressively. She grunts as her blade jerks down, almost embedding itself into her thigh. She ignores that fact and she pushes the door open.
The room was quiet. She checked all corners. No one else was in the room…
…But Raylene…
She was tied up in a corner, bruised and broken. Carmon hesitantly set her knife down onto a rusted old table before wandering over to Raylene. Her gloved hands reach up, cupping Raylene's cheeks. Carmon gently lifted Raylene's head. Her blue eyes softened and the anger faded quickly.
"What have they done to you?" Carmon mutters. Raylene smiles softly, slowly opening her eyes to find Carmon's.
"Don't… worry about it." She says. Carmon's grip tightens.
"How can you tell me not to worry when you look like this!?" She retorts.
Carmon reaches back, grabbing her knife and cutting the ropes that held Raylene up. Her arm was held steadily infront of Raylene's abdomen to catch her if she fell. Which, to her surprise, she didn't. Raylene held Carmon's arm, using it for support. Carmon bit her lip as she watched Raylene move.
"Let me carry you." Carmon said.
"No, Lieuntenant-" Raylene tries to deny it.
"This isn't a question, Ray. I wasn't asking."
Silence sits for a moment. Raylene looks up at Carmon. Though there isn't much of a height difference, but Carmon was taller still. The look in Carmon's eyes showed worry and maybe even fear. Yet, the great legend was never afraid.
"Please, Ray." Carmon says. Hesitantly, Raylene nods.
"Okay.. Just this once."
Carmon nods, shifting to scoop her up, a hand under her knees, the other around her shoulders. She started walking, being careful and smooth. When they made it outside, Raylene curved to rest further into Carmon's body. The wind had a biting sting to her open wounds, and Carmon was no medic. She didn't have the materials to help her.
"I want to see…" Carmon muttered. Her voice was soft, the rasp she had was now smooth. Raylene looked up to see tears in the lieutenant's eyes as she looked on.
"See what?" Raylene asked. Carmon looked down at her, brows furrowed and her grip tightening.
"What you see in me. I want to see what you see in me." She said.
"I don't-" Raylene starts, but quickly stops. Why was Carmon crying? The tears were slipping, pooling at the edge of her mask. So she reaches up, pressing a bruised hand to the mask.
As she gently squeezed the mask, it clicked, unhooking itself from Carmon's face. A soft mist swirled into the sky as the gears in the mask shifted, releasing itself. Then she gently pulled it off.
And Carmon didn't try to stop her…
It was horrifying. The scars from radiation burns decorated Carmon's lips and cheeks. Pieces of skin or flesh had been stretched to try and cover the worst of it. It was all twisted and boiled over… It looked like it hurt.
"Oh.. Carm…" Raylene muttered.
"I don't wanna lose you, Ray." Carmon says.
This feeling was unfamiliar to Carmon. The heavy feeling in her chest. The squeeze of her heart as it beat away. Or the swirl in her stomach. Her throat burned, both from the scars but from her emotions as well. She didn't know what it was.
"I want to see what you see… but what the world see's in me, too." She mutters.
Raylene hesitantly smiles. A helicopter can be heard in the distance as it started to approach. Their team has found them. Carmon looks up before quickly dropping her head. Raylene pushes her mask back onto her face, hiding the scars once more, but before Carmon could turn her head again, Raylene spoke.
"I see a hero, Carm. No villain. A hero."
"And I love that hero. I believe she loves me too."
I'll Love You 'Til The Last Flower Dies
Keeping Distance
Regrets
'Til All The Leaves Turn Grey
And She Shall Rise
May The Soul Find Love
Should I, or should I not combine these stories to form a novel that comes in a series of chapters?
Would that be easier to read?
If so, what should the title be?
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hello again! I scrolled to the end before I started reading and saw your questions. Loved the questions, so I quickly read the other stories to hopefully be able to give an answer!
Should you or should you not combine the series of stories into a novel? Depends on your goal for the story!
Short story collections are usually done one of two ways:
1. Interconnected stories that have an overarching plot.
2. Not interconnected stories that have an overarching theme.
If you go with the first, it might be that the overarching plot is this war that you're portraying. Each story might feature one character and their role/experience in the war. So the reader sees the progression of the war through a bunch of different perspectives. Similar characters might pop up in each story, but each story would focus on a new person.
If you go with the second, the theme might be something like the effects of war. Each story would have a completely separate cast of characters. The war in each story might not be the same war, but it's all about war and what war does to people.
I think right now, the stories are leaning toward the first option I described for short story collections.
If you want to do a novel -- you'll need to pick a main character (it's probably Carmon?) that the plot of the novel will hinge around. I think you could easily modify what you have and expand it into a novel if you want to! But it would take some expansion!
Regardless of if you do a short story collection or try to expand it into a novel, I'd love to know more about when and where we are? Is this depicting a real war? If so, which war? Where in the world are we? Which side of the war are we on? Also, be careful of the showing/telling balance (which is SOOOO HARD!!) I would like to *see* more of this scene (and the scenes from the previous stories) rather than being told what's happening. I know there are some good articles about this topic in the knowledge base here on YWS! It's a super tricky skill to master. But I think you have some really interesting ideas in this story and in the previous short stories and I think there's a lot of cool stuff to work with here to expand the story (either as a short story collection or as a novel).
Let me know if you have any questions!! Thanks for sharing!!
I appreciate you for answering my questions! I do agree, I seem to follow more of the first theme. I actually have started writing the first chapter of the novel, and I believe (if I remember correctly) I've stuck to the title of "For the Fair, the Better, and the Worst" with Carmon as the main character. I feel like it would make more sense to share details of how the squad came together and how the war started, ect. There are so many details that my short stories just don't tell, that the upcoming novel will. But shhhhh.... I can't tell spoilers......
~Taost
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the murderous S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Carmon saves Raylene from being a hostage by enemy force and as she takes Raylene in her arms up to safety, Raylene takes off Carmon’s mask and sees the sweet, sensitive soul underneath the harsh scars and loves her just for who she is. Carmon may feel the same way, but she’s oh so scared of losing Raylene, for her past still very much haunts her…(Oh, but their love seems so beautiful!!!)
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, I enjoyed how this was written. If you want to edit it, then that’s your choice.
Chocolate Bar - I think that my favorite part of this story was when Raylene told Carmon that she saw a hero in her and let Carmon know that she loved her. That must have meant a whole lot to Carmon, considering everything that she went through. The feeling of love swelling up inside of her, being unfamiliar to her, was described so beautifully that I wish for Carmon to find her love in life.
Closing Graham Cracker - Well, now that I know the order of the short stories and that they are all connected (I didn’t know they were connected at first), I’m going to get to reading the rest of the stories. As for your questions, I think that the short stories are fine, but if you wanted to add more character development and lore moments, you could turn them into a novel. I think you could call it… “Soldier the burden”, because it would be a play of words on “Shoulder the burden”, and will show how Carmon feels about everything that happened in her life, that she needs to carry the burden of everything that happened. Or you could do “Even dead flowers have beauty” to connect it to the meaning of flowers and how Carmon still has beauty figuratively and literally after everything that happened. But if you don’t like either of those titles, you can think of something else. I’ve enjoyed reading this and will get to the other stories!
I wish you a fantastical day/night! ^v^
I thank you so much for reading and writing this. I thought that since Carmon is a character I lay a lot of stress over, then I should make something a tad happier. I do think I utilize Carmon a lot, since her character had such a developmental history, so it's easier to write about her. I do have a work in progress that will soon be coming out where the team as a whole gets a happy moment. Just a break from the trauma, we'll say.
Oh, well a trauma break is always good! I think that your writing is really good and I%u2019m excited to look at your other short stories that are connected. ^v^