I am a nerd. I'm that kid who looks at colleges freshman year, and that kid who's applied to 16 scholarships in the past month. I'm that kid who gets upset when they fail a test and worries about failing classes even though we all know it'll never happen. I'm that kid who has their entire high school career planned out. I'm that kid who's skipping an English class and opting out of P.E. to take more challenging courses. I’m that kid who takes a college feminism class for fun freshman year. I’m that kid who wants nothing more than to be in the National Honors Society.
But I am also that kid who has heart. I'm that kid who feels sorry for people when I shouldn't. I'm that kid who will always come up short. I'm that kid who believes in second chances, but never gives them to myself. I’m that kid who hates war but respects veterans. I’m that kid who sees silver linings. I am that kid who will fail, but never stop trying. I am that kid who will always stand up for what I believe is right. I am that kid who will defend those who can’t protect themselves. I am that kid who will always hold myself accountable for everything wrong. And that is exactly who I want to be.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I love it! First of all, because I can relate to this "kid". At least, mostly I can.
There aren't much errors, just that you need to punctuate the paragraphs and fix grammatical errors. I suggest you edit it.
Overall, the idea of this article is nice and gives a good message to all people who are like the ''kid'' you're referring to! Good job.
Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
Hey Chips here with a review.
I too, love the Breakfast Club movie and I can see how the inspiration came about relating to your piece.
To me this wasn't really an essay but it was written in a very emotional and personal way so this formatting fits with the content more anyways.
"I am a nerd. I'm that kid who looks at colleges freshman year, and that kid who's applied to 16 scholarships in the past month. I'm that kid who gets upset when they fail a test and worries about failing classes even though we all know it'll never happen."
This was a great opening, but, "I'm the kid", became way too repetitive after the third time. Perhaps you could substitute that phrase with a statement like you started with, "I am a nerd", to follow on the sentence.
"But I am also that kid who has heart. I'm that kid who feels sorry for people when I shouldn't."
The "I'm the kid", phrase in the second paragraph took away from the emotive language too. In the second line here, I think there should be a comma after "people" as it adds a bit more effect to pause there.
Overall a great essay. I hope I was of help to you.
--Chips
What a lovely little essay, so honest and evokes a lot of respect from me as a reader. I can relate to you on some of those points. For instance, I would totally have a fun time being a part of a feminism class! Women's rights for the win! Haha! The use of punctuation in this piece, was appropriate and highlighted the straightforward honesty of this piece, and subsequently echoed the pride you clearly have in being the person that you are. This was very inspiring to read, and I commend you for that.
Legy
Thank you!!
This is very nice, and I appreciate your sharing. I have seen the Breakfast Club, and though I would say this was to short, it's actually about as long as the one that was written in the movie. I like the way it was phrased, and I related to a lot of it, especially:
"I'm the kid that hates war, but respects veterans."
Some nitpicks:
1. This is small, but I'd change the number 16 to sixteen.
2. I am that kid becomes a little repetitive: to the point that it is distracting, and not underlaying the theme.
3. This is also small, but the interchanging uses between 'I am that kid' and 'I'm that kid' was distracting.
Otherwise, this is very good, and I enjoyed it.
Thank you! And I wrote this for a scholarship with a 250 word limit, which is why its so short.
Thank you! And I wrote this for a scholarship with a 250 word limit, which is why its so short.
I've never seen The Breakfast Club.. no spoilers, okay?!
So this doesn't really seem like an article or essay to me... But that's beside the point.
I love how short and simple this is. Two paragraphs, one that focuses on the narrator being a nerd and giving examples, and then the next explaining that the narrator is more than just his/her brains.
The repetition of "I'm the kid who" is appreciated, but does get tedious and annoying. I suggest that you cut out a couple of those, but even if you don't, it won't diminish the worth of this. It was overall very powerful, written beautifully and laced with emotion. It created a connection between the narrator and myself, because I was able to relate to this. I could see myself as the person in question, not just as a standby. That was a good thing about this, because it made this all the more enjoyable.
Overall, this was really good for something so small. So powerful and strong, and something so easy to connect with and relate to. It was very easy to understand. I enjoyed it very much so thank you for sharing.