Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
She said she was sorry
When I found she had someone else
A girl in front of me
Well, sorry doesn’t do me any good
After being led on
“Is something wrong?”
To be honest, I’m fucking hurt
And I’m angry
That you didn’t mention this before
I can’t believe
You didn’t find this information significant
When you were leading me on
You called me beautiful
Asked me for help
Had me put myself on the line
Well who’s laughing now
Not me, that’s for sure
I am crying because of you
We can still be friends
If I can forgive you
Maybe this was my stupid mistake
If I had reworded what we were
At the beginning of us
Said that I considered you as a potential girlfriend
Perhaps you never would’ve hurt me
And I would’ve been mildly disappointed
Instead of crushed into pieces.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I Love this! The person who did me wrong is Trifflin.
I feel your pain. I like these because its personal, it speaks to others. People been through this alot. They need to here "OPEN THER EARS" and "LISTEAN." You should keep writing like this and more. My Favorivate part was "When you were leading me onYou called me beautiful
Asked me for help
Had me put myself on the line."
If it was up to me i wonted forgive. if i do it well probably take me sometime. But be happy.!
LOVE IT, Keep writing.
Thank you! But yeah we're friends this was just me venting
Wow this is good
Sadly, I had a guy who did me this way
Anyway back to the poem
Its a beautiful but painful poem
Everything connects together as far as your writing
You kept me interested the entire time
And I could connect with it as a reader
Dont listen to everyone on their comments
Your writing isnt for everyone
It was a great poem
Keep us the great writing
Thank you darling!
Reading this hurts. Stabs right into my heart. I feel for you. I know it sounds cliched and cheesy, but I do.
It's beautiful and it's painful and it's real and I love it. Lines like "I can't believe you didn't find this information significant when you were leading me on." Are full of emotion.
This writing flows well and is easy to read structurally. I'm not an expert on grammar and punctuation, but as far as I can see there are no mistakes where that is concerned. And your use of swearing, but not overuse, only helps to get you point across.
Personally I don't think it matters what the girl did to the narrator. I think it's one of those things you don't need to know, that the reader should be able to wonder about. And I think telling it would take away from the integrity of the poem. But that's just my opinion.
This is a beautiful piece of writing and part of me wishes that girl could see it. But well done.
Thanks! And by the way your icon is just.....
Hey there!
While I get the overall message of your poem, I feel that if you added an explanation and a reason why this happened, then I would get a better understanding of your poem and like it better. I get it: the narrator is heartbroken. This girl did something to break her and make her cry and probably ruined the image of love for a long, long time. I understood that part, as you made it very clear. But what I want to know is: what happened? Did the girl cheat? Lie? Betray the narrator? Leave the narrator for someone else? If that was explained, then the poem would make more sense and make it easier for the reader to connect with it.
Other than that, this was a good poem full of raw emotion. It was well written and most of the lines flowed easily while some can be tweaked, but it's nothing that requires a whole lot of work. I do find it odd that you neglected using punctuation until the end of the poem, when you ended it with a period, but that's nothing to really worry about. I think you could do better with adding in some commas and such, to help with line transitions and overall flow, but that's all up to you.
This was overall a pretty good poem, and I'm sorry for what caused you to write it. But hey, a piece of work came out of it, so that counts for something, eh? ^^
This is excellent. Just great. Wonderful, no words
Excellent
Omg thanks!