Pencils scratch paper,
The mind's hassle to change ideas into words,
Snapping
To a breakthrough.
Keyboards clack against pads and nails,
Echoing the same emptiness of heads
Shoes scuff, back and forth, back
And forth,
Rubbing an unremovable black onto the floor.
Murmurs across the rooms float
Ideas, wordless voices.
Mouths bite
Pencils, pen caps, fingers, knuckles.
Eventually, bones creak.
Crack. A vertebrae. Crick. A neck. Pop, elbow.
Fingers, knuckles, thumbs.
The arduous task in writing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
<gez>
i personally liked the use of punctuation marks...
they just seem to mean something deeper than what's there to read...
i loved what you made... i see myself in the same situation so often.
you've used so ordinary things that can be found in an ordinary writing table or place.
but you know, you've made these things so important.
the words you've chosen really tells the reader how arduous writing is...
a job well done here; i say.
The scene you have painted here seems really quite depressing, not really what I imagined from the title. In fact, the work seems very much about the arduous work behind the activity, rather than a breakthrough moment, thus I would think it rather ill-named. I'd have imagined something more along the line of "Monotony" or "Grey Continuous".
What I do particularly like however is the progressive nature of the piece, the way each thread started leads back to a central point, and to a final conclusion. Also, a flaw I find in many pieces of free-verse, the spaces often seem to be put in randomly. There is no such problem here, and that is a good achievement.
Finally, just a small note, methinks you are missing a full stop at the end of the work. Nothing big, but it did bug me when I got to the end.
Yours in reviewing,
Take That You Fiend!
Thank you for reading my piece! Yes, the title was simply to put something in the title line. I really like that though. Monotony. Also, the full stop...Yes, I forgot to put it in. It bugged me a lot, and annoys me to see it now, but I didn't go back to fix it, and I don't know if I could. Thank you again!
Look on the sidebar when you are on the work. There should be an EDIT button.
I feel better now
This is literally great. I admit, I got confused around the middle of it as to what the poem was about. But then I remembered and I started laughing. Even though this poem isn't straight out humor, it has that comical element that I wish more poems would contain. I like your choices in vocabulary usage as well. Keep Writing!
Hi there!
I keep reading and re-reading it, because it's like reading a description of myself! You draw the reader in with your honesty; we all know it's not usually a piece of cake writing poetry, and what you've written allows us to admit that to each other.
So, I really liked your poem -- it actually reminded me a lot of something I wrote recently.
I like the flow of the poem; I just have a couple nitpicks. First:
"Mouths bite.
Pencils, pen caps, fingers, knuckles."
I feel like this should not be separated with a period. It interrupts the rhythm that you've picked up and it's just not necessary.
I also think your ending was rather blunt and not strong enough. It felt like you just wanted to wrap it up quickly, so you stuck in that last line. Give it a powerful finish -- this poem definitely deserves it!
Great job, tho, keep writing!
~WritingforHim99