The doors to the hall finally opened. He stood stiffly with one of haymitch's old suits hanging loose at his sleeves and feet. No matter how many years had passed it still had the stench of alcohol glued to it like a parasite. But the smell didn't just make him winkle his nose, it did much more. it brought back memories, thoughts he tried so hard to bury in the back of his mind, hiding them with a lock and throwing the key as far away as possible. However hard he tried, his past would forever be a part of who he was, and forgetting it would be like forgetting himself, and he knew how that felt like. The smell reminded him of sadness, trauma and nightmares bringing back the horror of the Games. Drinking may have been haymitch's post traumatic stress, but his was constant fear.
Once the doors opened, those thoughts managed to escape back behind the lock for just a moment. It was the grand opening of District 12 after the bombing. It was supposed to mark the start of a new era, all the citizens were invited; and since money was short in district 12, it was nothing extremely fancy. the girls danced from the doors to meet their pairs.
She was at the back, hidden behind long skirts and intricate hairdos. he was always able to spot her no matter where they were, as if her whole body glowed like the moon in a dark night with no stars. She was not wearing a smile, not even a fake one as she made her way to Peeta. When she got close to his face, the smile escaped from the corners of her mouth as she leaned in to place a gentle kiss against his lips. He smiled back as he put his hand on her waist and began to dance. They both got lost when they were together, and dancing made it even easier to never find their way back. He held his arm up as she twirled beneath it, then laughed and whirled again. His smile quickly faded as the room around him blurred along with all the faces in it. He felt his arm slump back against his side, but he was no longer staring at the laughing girl. All he saw were flames, red, orange with even specks of blue. He no longer heard music, the air filled with screams.
He heard his heart beat faster and his head pounding at the same rhythm. He realized the screams were not screams after all, but cheers. sick, maddening cheers from a huge crowd. Quickly the flames zoomed out to a red, flamboyant dress, worn by the young girl he'd always loved. The shouts slowly faded into words: "Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire!"
The images flashed suddenly through his mind, the red dress transforming into a white one. The white burning his eyes, symbliizing anything but marriage, reminding him of white roses. Then the flames came back and one by one came together into a black bird, soaring through cities burning into ruins. The screams echoed below, no longer of happiness but pain, soon interrupted by the ash of the fire. The fire faded and the screams got louder, more piercing and cut his skin like the opening of old wounds. He saw himself bellowing and pouting, covered in blood he knew was his own. However when he felt for his face, he knew it was cleand and his mouth was sealed shut.
He was looking at memories so painful he felt as if he were still there, stuck in his past and never being able to heal. He shut his eyes hoping everything would go away. When he opened them again, he was gazing back at the face he loved and recognized, except he did not feel the love anymore. Hatred, pain and despair filled his eyes. He looked at himself shaking, trembling, forcing his hands steady into Katniss' throat.
He kept repeating "She's a mutt... she's a mutt.." over and over again as if to give reasons for his actions.
"Peeta! Peeta come back open your eyes it's me!"
He could faintly make out voices.
"Peeta, PLEASE."
He heard her voice trembling, holding back tears. He opened his eyes and saw he was lying on the ballroom floor, his mouth moving and repeating "She's a mutt" without even realizing. He immediately stopped, the wildness in his eyes slowly disappearing. He paused for a second, shielding himself again from his memories, locking them like he always did, waiting and hoping he would never have to face them again. Once he was fully back in the Hall, he put his arms around Katniss, pulling her so close to him so he would never have to let go. Her teeth stopped shaking and her lips went steady.
She whispered in his ear, "You love me, Real or Not Real?"
He didn't hesitate to answer, "Real."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
129,796 Literary Works • 671,510 Reviews
This was really good!!! The way you portrayed Peeta's emotions and the memories of the Games was brilliant! I think that this fanfic of The Hunger Games series has almost the same power and influence on the reader as Suzanne Collins. Something else I liked: Peeta's way of getting away from his memories is in the form of him locking them away.
I think that you should put more in about District 12, and how they restored it enough to let people live there. I know that this scene is set at the opening of District 12, but maybe you could put a small sentence in about the restoring of buildings and the clearing away of bodies and such. Also, at the part where Peeta collapses, and he comes into focus again, I was thinking that some of the other people in the ballroom would have noticed. Then again, the story doesn't need people to notice to get it's point across.
I hope this review helped. Like I said before, I think you did a really good job, and that you are a very talented writer. Keep up the good work!
The Missing piece here for a review! THIS WAS AMAZING! I really loved it! I didn't see any grammar mistakes so that's good. But I'm not that good with grammar anyway...
. My favorite part was
"The images flashed suddenly through his mind, the red dress transforming into a white one. The white burning his eyes, symbolizing anything but marriage, reminding him of white roses. Then the flames came back and one by one came together into a black bird, soaring through cities burning into ruins. The screams echoed below, no longer of happiness but pain, soon interrupted by the ash of the fire. The fire faded and the screams got louder, more piercing and cut his skin like the opening of old wounds. He saw himself bellowing and pouting, covered in blood he knew was his own. However when he felt for his face, he knew it was cleaned and his mouth was sealed shut."
The description is amazing! I can see his connection and his fear and I love it! Great job! Keep writing!
~The Missing Piece
Thanks again for the review!!
Timmyjake here to give you a review!
I'll point out a few spots that seemed to need a little bit of work.
This was really awesome! You have a knack for writing Hunger Games fanfiction stories! There are so many and all of them are so good! This one included! I will point out a few things I saw and then be on my way.
So I noticed that whenever you say Haymitch's name, it is never capitalized(pun not intended)
Maybe its just me, but I didn't really like that description of the stench too well. I don't know why. It didn't really seem to fit to me. Stenches linger, not glue.
Shouldn't it be a stress reliever, drinking that is?
So all this piece really needs is for you to take a quick read over looking for punctuation and spelling issues. Everything else seems superb! Happy writing!
~Timmyjake
I think that's all I have to critique. You are very talented with this!
Hi again, thanksfor reviewing my works!
I'll go back and lookover those points (which I agreed with) so thanks again!
Anytime! I enjoy reviewing your works!
Ah, a Hunger Games fan! Welcome to yws!
Spoiler!
You might want to put a warning in your description, since there are a lot of people who have seen the movies but not read the books, or at least, the third one.
Positives!
I love that image in the middle, of Katniss' black dress turning into the flaming one from the Games. You've described it beautifully. I also like it because it's been written from Peeta's perspective, which is cool! That's something we don't get to see so much of in the original books. ]
Maybe longer?
If anything I'd like it to be longer, take some more time to set the scene before jumping straight into the dancing. It's a fantastic little piece, but don't forget that it might be read by people who don't already know the hunger games. I know this scene is about Peeta but it would be great to see some of District Twelve in there and get a better glimpse at what is happening at the grand opening.
Quick note on PTSD
Post traumatic stress disorder effects people in different ways, but alcohol isn't one of them. First comes the PTSD, which manifests into anxiety, fear, hallucinations, e.c.t. Then to escape the effects of it the alcohol comes next, as a way to numb it. So Peeta's fear would be on the second level and Haymitch's drinking is on the third, so they're not really comparable.
Overall
Great piece! I really enjoyed reading it and I hope you carry on writing and post more! Keep up the good work.
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it!
I'll go back and look over those points
That was beautiful. As the avid hunger games fan I am, I have to say this fit in very nicely with the rhythm of the novels. I hope you do more short stories like this.
I do have to ask, why did you put him in Haymitch's old suit? Not criticism, just curiosity.
Also, was this before or after the epilogue?
*three fingered salute to my fellow hunger games fan*
thank you for the lovely comment, and to answer your questions..
I don't have perfect answers actually as they're probble not clear to me either. As to why I decided to put him in one of Haymitch's old suits I can only tell you that after the books I always imagined him, Katniss and Peeta would be always together, sort of like a family not to be cheesy. You can sort of explore in your imagination why he's wearing his suit though. Could be a simple reason like he just didn't have any (as they were, in fact, all from The Capitol) or open your mind to new ideas like maybe he did have old suits but they were from when he was hijacked so he never touched them again...
Hmm... before or after the epilogue...? Well, it is definitely after Katniss says "Real." and I've just decided that yes, it is before the epilogue so before they have children.
Thanks again and yes! I have quite a few of these that I'll post asap!
This is so adorable and sad at the same time. I almost cried when I read it. I'm so glad that you took the initiative to write a short about what was going on inside of Peeta's head. I could really feel the pain and the sorrow that they both felt towards each other.
In the beginning I believe that you accidentally put her instead of he. But I still understood what you meant.
Brilliant job with this and if you could possibly do another one, I'd be exstatic.
Wow thank you so much and sorry for almost making you cry!!
I'm happy you recognized that about Peeta, as I too just always feel heartbroken with his character and wanted to emphasize his pain with my story.
Thanks, I changed that typo!
Yes, I have quite a few of these and I'll post them asap thanks for reading!