Another Day

I loved it
Oh lord how I know how you feel!! And you potrayed it so beautifully you ledgend!!
Ok first

I like to think your world is silent
whenever you’re not with me

And my courage seems to have fallen asleep

You said you would miss me,
but with every longing stare at my phone
three months break my heart.

Ahh! I loved this piece! I thought it pulled the more sad tone with a hint of resentment (maybe?) very well!I I feel that I know kind of what you are going through, missing someone far away, wondering if they feel the same.

I think there is only one mistake and one suggestion that I have caught... I think you could add a few commas at the end of a few lines, but it depends on how you want them read. Like in the first line of the fifth stanza, "You said you would miss me, but with every longing stare..." Feel free to keep it as it is though!

I also thought that the ending is a bit abrupt, because you are talking about remembering someone in others' smiles but end with, "You can't catch me anymore. I'm already on the ground."

Loved it!!(:

~chezka

I know how this feels, and I think this captured the kind of sad and heart-sore emotion that goes along with missing someone you can't see. I wasn't crazy about the first stanza, and was scared this would be yet another overworked love piece, but I was pretty impressed by some of the aspects of this. This was definitely my favorite stanza:

In notches of the table,
Old stories resurface painfully.
And the etched scars on my hands
Tell of unsent, yellowed letters.