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140,376 Literary Works • 673,126 Reviews
I agree with Picklesole; this is a good piece of work that captures dark emotion. I noticed you are new aswell, so welcome to YWS! This is clearly prose (or so I hope), which means to create effect you need to use more imagery such as similies and metaphors, which I did not see. For me to say it's fantastic you need to use imagery, otherwise it's all to literal, which ruins the emotional feel to the poem.
Aside from that, keep up the good work.
DNX out
Wow, even in this little piece there was so much emotion. I like how you ended it. My only nitpick: in the first line you should say "Sitting on her bathroom floor.." instead of in.
-Picklesole
Darn! Haha I'll change that. Thanks for the comment!
Your welcome! Also, welcome to YWS!
Thanks!