Author’s note: Hello everyone! I know i have been not posting any story since long back, but I promise this story will make you remember about my last story which was kinda a love story.............Well lets begin with this story!
It was a silent night....and I was standing at my window with my chin on my palm,staring at my next window.
Well let me introduce myself, hi! My name is George and I live in the Avenue Street with my small family – my mum,dad and my little sis Clara.
Ya so ,i was staring at the next window where my neighbour Mr.Barley lives.Well....he is not the main person for whom I am staring. Actually the main person is her daughter-Milain. She is a girl in my school and we are neighbours too! She has dark brown hair which she usually likes to keep it open ,her eyes are also brown,and if you see them i am sure you will drown into them, her is bright as moon and she keeps smiling....
Oh! In short ,she is adorable!
Although her curtains are closed but she always comes to her window at night to look at the moon and on the other side I come at the window to see a glimpse of her.
“why is she so late today?” I thought to myself.
Maybe she is doing her homework. Ummm....then I heard a tinkling sound of bells . She came! She drew thw curtains and the bells hanging made the sound. She was in her usual night dress,her hair was kept loose and she looked at the sky .
“Why is she so beautiful?” I thought.........but actually it just came out of my mouth......oops!
“hey ! George Did you say something? I couldn’t hear you..” She said
“ummm no...... I...I just “
“heyy can you help me to go to school tomorrow?” she asked
“actually my cycle is for a repair and bus wont be comming...so...”
“Yaa.. sure” i answered
How can I miss a chance to be with you ....I thought.
Then i could hear mr.barley calling her to sleep downstairs.
“umm....Okay then byee......and thanks for the help!” she said.
Ya ...b bye......i just waved and she went..
..........................................................................to be continued
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
this seems like it has the potential to be a very good story. however, your grammar is pretty atrocious. maybe i'm just a stickler for that kind of stuff, but I found it a little hard to read. it kind of felt like you just sort of typed it out and posted it. while that's not necisaraly a bad thing, especially when using young characters, however in this instance, the main protagonist seems like they are supposed to be maybe 12 or 13 and they are speaking and thinking as if they are 9 or 10.
Hi sulagna,
Mailice here with a short review!
This is a sweet little romantic story. I liked reading it a lot. Especially how George introduces himself and tells it from his perspective, I thought it was very good and funny in parts.
The introduction, including the first paragraph, seemed like the beginning of a broadcast, where after a short description of the area, the main character is introduced. Especially his "Well let me introduce myself" I found very funny, because it seemed to me as if he was just waiting for us - the reader.
A quick note on the sentence itself; you don't need to add the "The" before Avenue Street as long as you use Avenue Street as a proper noun.
This is also a very good description. As you can see later, George and Milain are still children / teenagers and are going to school and that is exactly what this sentence brings out. It seems to come from the mouth of a boy who doesn't want to reveal right away that there is this one girl he likes very much.
A note here too: since "is her daughter" refers to Mr. Barley, it should be "is his daughter".
I really liked the dialogue at the end because it again shows the childlike embarrassment that George is displaying. I generally thought it was a very nice story that may need to be reread to fix some minor spelling errors, but otherwise I'm very excited to see what happens next.
Mailice.
Thanks for the review! @Mailice
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This sounds like its going to be a pretty interesting story here. This is playing out quite well so far. I like the start that you have got going on here and I think this has the potential to be a pretty fun story to read.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm..bit of a relaxed opening sentence, sort of just setting the scene rather than trying to grab attention and get the readers hooked on right away. Not a bad way to open at all, this is looking good so far.
Talking directly to us right off the bat...well this promises to be exciting...okay...so far we got some good background information there which is always nice to have. Let's see where it goes from there.
Well we can all see exactly where that train of thought is going and I am loving that plan so far...let's see what happens...
Hm...okay...establishing that little early on I see..okay...that's a good sign...setting everything up nice and early as it should be.
Oooh a little twist in the tale, I like it, very appropriate for a first chapter.
Oooh...and here we go...nice description there as well...always helpful to us readers.
Oh dear...classic tongue slips...this is looking really good so far...
Well...that will be an interesting opportunity now won't it?
Well next chapter should get very interesting judging by how this is going...
Great place to end the chapter there...ties it up pretty neatly and sets up the next one pretty well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think this is a story which has a nice bit of potential and I did enjoy reading this first part of it. That's all I gotta say.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you so much @HarryHardy. I am so glad to see that the readers can understand the story so well! I ll remember the points you said. Thanks for the review.
Some stories makes you to read them over and over again with that same enthusiasm. I felt the same in this. I could visualize the entire scenario as if happening in front of me.
I'm waiting for reading the other chapter.
You're really an amazing writer, keep writing and we really wants to know that what happens next
PLEASE PUBLISH IT SOON
Thank you so much !...@.nishthabawa2896...I am writing the next chapter nd I ll publish it very soon.