What is love? & Ghost

Hey starlinks!

The first poem "What is love?" is very adorable. The words create this vision of a happy couple satisfied in their little world. It's very sweet and dream like. Maybe you could also add that it's love when you accept each others flaws and such. It would give it a hint of reality merged with a dreamy state and make the poem all the more enjoyable. That's what I think. But apart from that you have once again done a brilliant job on the poem.


Now, onto the second poem, I could relate to it and I'm sure countless others will too. It's realistic and perfectly creates the image of a lonely and ignored person. The flow is very nice and it sort of puts the reader in a trance. There weren't any flaws I could some up with so I'll just end by saying that you have done an awesome job. Keep writing! Best of luck!

Hello again starlink, alliyah is here to review your poems. For future reference it's much easier to review and read if you post things seperately, especially if they address different subjects. Even if they're short (I love short poems!) , but I know you're knew to YWS, so that's perfectly alright! So onto to review!

'What Is Love' is a very cute little glimpse into a perfect relationship. I think it would add some depth if you addresssed how there's still love even when the relationship's not as perfect, or maybe when the character's upset and comforted. I think it'd make it more realistic too, to add some less happy/perfect instances.

The only other part that I thought may need some work was "blessed happiness blooming in my chest" seems like kind of a strange phrase. I realize that 'blessed' and 'blooming' both start with 'b' so it adds alliteration, but I just think that maybe the whole line is a little to wordy without being especially effective. Maybe change one of the words in the line (like 'happiness') to be a word with less sylables or be more effective in describing what the speaker is feeling.

I don't think there were any spelling/grammar issues in that one, so good job. Althought I'm never sure about 'commas' so I might be wrong.

In your next poem "Ghost" I like the mystery, and your take on what a ghost really is.

In the secound to last stanza: "I may have said hello
One hundred, thousand, and million times to you" I think it might read smoother to change "and" to "a". And maybe even change "one" to "a" as well. But maybe that's just how I say numbers, so if it reads smooth to you, then leave it how you wrote it. I know sometimes people say numbers differently.

Only other problem I saw was that you should capitalize "John Doe", and I'm not sure if that should be in quotes or not, like when you put "nerd" in quotes. So, you might want to think about that.

Great job, on both poems. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future, never stop writing!


~alli-y~

I can almost connect with "The Ghost". The anonymous Point-Of- View is what makes it so interesting. And also the fact that till the end you can't exactly know what "the ghost" is. The emotions that the so called "invisible" feel are very well expressed even though it's not expressed in a more descriptive way. There is that solitary vibe in both your poems which can be felt nicely.

I like the poem, "ghost" best. I really like your style. I encourage you to continue writing, as I would love to read more! Please know that it is difficult for people to put that much emotion into a small amount of words. You did a great job. Keep up the good work! Keep writing! And as always, good luck to you and your writing.

nice combo poems..................u r good poet who really know how to express feelings via poetry. i really like ur art peice. as a poet u will do wonders in this feild. i advice u to keep goin like this. keep it up, pal.

i am a ghost. sorry, my intention is not to scare u. i am talking about ur poem 'i am ghost'. it is nyc, the part 'i may hv said hello' is really heart touching element inside ur poem.


good. keep it up, pal!